Absurd Confession.

Sober.

2012-02-01T19:44:00.000+08:00

Nothing is ever going to last, right? Why is there always nothing to prove it otherwise?

Time flew, and still flies.

2012-01-28T22:12:00.002+08:00

I got my ten-day break from KTJ and I thought that should feel enough but who knew the holiday is ending so soon? Tomorrow morning at 8, I'm headed back down to Mantin and I'm sharing a cab with my sister and two of my mum's friend's son and daughter. Initially I wanted to join Kim and Shin Er to go back by train but I decided against it at the very last minute because I don't want to miss my first Physics practical and two more science lessons. Plus, I have a ton of things with me. And there goes my train ticket!

Okay so I'll blog as much as I remember from this holiday while listening to this new song I'm obsessed with, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. Last Saturday, my aunts, uncle and grandma came to the college to pick me up and I spent a night with them at aunt's place in Sungai Long. It's just like going through the routine my sister had, and it's true when she said my grandma forces people into eating! She kept worrying that I'd be hungry and tried to have dinner earlier just because I said we have our dinner at 6 plus at college awwwwww. It felt forever waiting for the rest of the family to come down to Seremban where we reunited! So yeah I watched TV and at night I joined my aunts to go for some last minute CNY shopping at the night market near Scot Pine. We went at around 10.30 and surprisingly there were so many people around. Maybe I'm just not nocturnal enough to realise the lively atmosphere outside, especially at night. I've always wanted to go out for heavy supper late at night like around 11 but unfortunately we don't usually do that even in Ipoh.

On CNY eve my aunt drove grandma and I to Seremban and there's where my family went to too! I remember starving while waiting for them and that lunch meal made me so so contented and relieved. And once I saw the pineapple tarts, I just couldn't stop munching on it until it's almost finished by me alone omg. I think dad was kind of unhappy that he didn't get to taste them! Awww, they're just too lovely to be left alone. Thanks to whoever it is who gave that jar of awesomeness to us, I owe you big time! I think I didn't get to eat a lot of snacks for three entire weeks away from home, hence the extreme hunger for tasty biscuits like that. Just like the previous years, we had our small-scale reunion dinner at grandma's place in Seremban and I love home cooked food so yes, I enjoyed dinner :) And the following night on chor yat, we went to Royale Bintang Hotel for dinner. Uncle and brother brought their DSLRs so we managed to take a lot of pictures together yay!

By Wednesday we travelled back to Ipoh and spent a day at home, like finally! I love my room and the fact that I can blast my music anytime! That makes me feel so good that you won't believe it. I also went out with the high school girl friends. There were Yin Yeng, Yuen Theng, Chien Xin, Shu Yin, Lim, and I. We met up at Chatime in de Garden and went to Jusco afterwards to look for Chen Mun, who was working on her last day as a salesperson in the supermarket. Then we went looking for Yian May and Chi Ying who were working together in the Polo Shop. Hahahaha it's so funny seeing all of them again after so long simply because I used to see those faces every day for five years already. It felt good to catch up and get to know the inside stories of NS :)

The five of us went to Alor Star which is mum's hometown to visit the relatives. We got to see my uncle, aunts, and my cousins. I talked to Huy Jye about college life and didn't get to bond much with the two younger cousin brothers because coincidentally they preferred to remain silent throughout our time there haha! But they're so adorable, seriously. So yeah we got our ang paos and it was a one day trip so we came back to Ipoh in time for me to join my other gang of friends for dinner. The plan was to eat at Michelangelo's but it was full house that day so after waiting for so long we went to Akamomiji instead. I had my eel rice again and we had our bonding session. Fab, Ann, Mag, Krystle, Sin Yee, Mei and Belle I'll miss all of you! Today before lunch, a few of my primary school friends from AMC like Pei Xuan, Faith, Jia Xian, Chee Cing, Fung Ping, Collen, Alixia and I visited our class teacher back then. She's glad that we visit her almost every year :)

I guess that sums up my CNY this year. I don't know why everyone kept saying it's boring but I actually enjoyed myself! And tomorrow, I'll be away from home again.

Abrupt Concern.

2012-01-08T10:24:00.001+08:00

As promised, I want to keep friends and family from Ipoh updated on what I've been up to these days. To be really exact, I've been in KTJ for five days already. It no doubt feels a tad weird to be in the school campus even after school hours are over. We go back to our respective houses as what they call it here because that's like our second home, far far away from home. Imagine being in Mantin with a bunch of friendly strangers, not knowing where to go, what to do and who to head to when you have not even the slightest idea of what you should be doing at the very moment. I experienced that feeling of being lost for the first few hours when I first got into my room. After unpacking and settling down, I didn't know what to do. Fortunately enough, that insecure feeling went away almost immediately because people here are really friendly and sincere, just as what they seem like. They made us newbies feel at home and that's really all that we need. The upper sixers gathered after our first house meeting this year and made us little notes using colourful papers and fonts and pasted them on our room doors. I came back one evening after presentations and felt very warm and welcomed.

I'm happy with my dorm, my house, my room mate and all the other girls in the same house. I'm in Alia and that's red again. And there's the Cavell spirit! The campus is huge and the few of us who always walk together found ourselves lost for quite a few times already. We even had problems looking for the dining hall hahaha. I really hope it gets better because apparently, everyone we know said they got lost before too, including Kim. It's like an outskirt area here so you get the picture, with all the similar looking trees and building structures, it's kind of easy to be headed off in the opposite direction of where we are supposed to go to. The house I'm staying in is very well equipped with the recreation room with piano and games to play, the pantry and the laundry room.

Classes started and I'm pretty decided about the subjects I want to take because that has been bothering me for quite a while. Apparently January intake is the express class compared to the August intake last year and that's because we're all in lower six, which is more known as AS. Ms Sarah has already started talking about personal statements while I'm here trying to get a clearer view of what I desire in the future. It's no easy task to be able to be decisive all of a sudden simply because I'm never very certain with the choices I make. I actually have work to do for Chemistry and Maths classes already by now so I guess I got go to now. Dear readers, I'll see you in my next blog post and remember that I love you!

Fabulous Fab.

2012-01-02T19:01:00.001+08:00

I sincerely don't think it's ever going to feel enough spending time with you fab. Yes we've been classmates for five entire years and that's a very long time but I think we only got close in these two years. It's of course because of Interact. Interact, it brought so much joy and tears and the mixture of feelings which we had for it amazed me truly. Well, I certainly didn't expect to feel like we're at the peak of the world when a particular project which everyone put so much effort in was successful and no doubt, I didn't expect so much tears from the unnecessary conflicts and arguments. It affected me a lot in high school and I believe it did you all the same. I'm so happy that at least you were almost always there for me, for all of us. It's only fair when we had the ups and downs and I'm really glad and relieved that this friendship didn't end when we left the club this year.

I realised I can talk to you about almost everything and anything. It's good to have a friend to share things with sometimes when I don't know who to go to, because I know you're there to listen and give appropriate, if not the best advice. You remember the time when either you came to my place or I went to yours just to talk about random stuff? We would settle down in various corners in the classroom where nobody was paying attention and start spilling things. The topics would vary from one to another like what you mentioned in your blog post. I miss speaking to you about our ambitions and stating all the good and the bad parts just to analyze by ourselves which dream of so many is most worth pursuing. I miss just sitting on the ground and talking, until Mr Dilip would come barging into the classroom and we were forced to return to our respective desks for lesson. I miss the laughter and the inside jokes which made everything even more special, even more worth cherishing.

Good luck in reaching out for your dreams because I'm sure you'll succeed in everything you do in the future. Just remember your fab! XO's.

How can i?

2011-12-27T19:33:00.000+08:00

Dreams have power you may not understand and cannot comprehend. I have a lot of dreams and you probably won't believe it when I say most of them came true. The saying which tells us to not dream of what you really do not want after all, is so true. I've experienced it so I'm saying it is undeniably correct. If you have gone through this before, you wouldn't say it is ridiculous. Yes it sounds absurd, but it is nothing but the truth.

You know I feel so loved, so blessed and so lucky. I have people who care and love, people who are sincere enough to win the others' hearts without really making any effort. And of course, there are people I sometimes do not wish to see and people whom we label as pretentious, desperate and are good for nothing. They are the minority which constantly remind me that this is reality simply because they make it a little imperfect. After so long, they can just come back to us and act like nothing happened, nothing changed. What about the time when you looked us in the eye and looked away afterwards, acting like we're either invisible or we're virtual strangers? What about the time when you ignored our presence and that made you so damn happy? What about the time you left us thinking what we did wrong in the first place to receive treatment which is more deserving for people who made a huge mistake?

You know a friend on Facebook complimented me by saying I have the sweetest smile and the biggest heart. I do not know it came intentionally or not but I was so glad and happy to hear that, then I realised that that is not what I think of myself at all. That is because I do not have a heart big enough for room for forgiveness, at least not for so many times.

taking it one at a time.

2011-12-24T00:35:00.005+08:00

Really, this holiday is already coming to an end. So I was just thinking, does it feel like time flew by because we really had a shorter holiday compared to the rest of them or is it because it just felt that way, like so many other times in my life? You know these kind of silly things would get my mind flying most of the time and I can't help it. It's just like me asking myself not to think and at the same time, I'm thinking of the exact thing I'm referring to. All I know is I can't even comprehend my own mind, what more so many other things in this whole wide world. At this point, I really don't want to think about impossible things, things which would distract me further away from reality and ironically, they are the things I can't stop pondering about.

So I mentioned there's this invisible list of things I wanted so badly to do during the holidays and I'm relieved and glad at the same time that I managed to make some time for stuff I adore. Okay for one, I had my driving license! This feeling is just so amazing and this at least makes the holiday seem productive and a tad more meaningful than I expected it to be. The driving test took me approximately 6 hours including all the time of anticipating, talking with strangers and the actual driving. I just had to get it over with before I move on to going to college in a place away from home. I guess this makes mum less mad at me than she already is.

Next, I did my manicure and pedicure and that all includes painting my nails! I got red on my fingers and bright green on my toes and you know what, I like it! Every single time I do anything, I'll check whether it's chipped or I'll get pissed off at myself. Silly, I know but it still looks perfect until now. The boarding school I'm going to, I think coloured nails are not allowed there so I can enjoy these pretty things for less than two weeks. I'm grateful enough :) Wish I could take a picture of it but there's no chance yet. So wait up yeahh. Andddd I went to the salon today and did scalp treatment! It satisfies me when I go to the shop every time. Don't ask me why but yes, I do enjoy going for a hair cut and getting treatment. Not always, but once in a while. Oh my gosh these things make me sound so vain!

Outings! I went out for so many times that I lost count but I know it's a lot because otherwise, my parents wouldn't be mad at me almost every single day this holiday. I seriously don't think this is off limits because I happen to have different circle of friends and every few times I go out, it's with different groups of peers so I can't be blamed for that can I? Moreover I'm leaving for college soon so all I want is some time to catch up with each other and have the bonding session when we know we're not going to see the rest very often for the time to come. So here's the confession alright. I miss school, I miss my friends, I miss sitting around and talking. I miss form 5 and I was just saying to one of my friends, I really don't mind going through it all over again, if I were given a choice to even choose.

Just yesterday, my mum, my brother and I travelled all the way to Cameron Highlands for a one-day trip with Aunty Stephanie. The ride up and down made me feel giddy and nauseatic but besides that, everything was perfect. The weather was more chilly than usual with the drizzle throughout our time there but it was okay with my cardigan on. We shopped for food at the market and stopped by for some beautiful views around the place. My brother brought his DSLR and walked around snapping pictures acting professional HAHA. It was a good day away from Ipoh for awhile to catch some fresh air :) Travelling makes me happy. I'm looking forward to the trip to KL on the 29th to meet the sister and countdown to the new year. Plus, I need to do some shopping! Serious shopping for things I need to use in Mantin and leisure ones to just satisfy my needs :) I'll leave that for KL because I prefer the malls over there of course. Not to forget, I need to get people presents too.

There happens to be this dilemma about college too. I think it's a good school so through words of mouth from my friends, I looked it up, filled up forms, went for the interview and got a half scholarship to start my course in January. People asked me where I am going and what I am going to do and I get all sorts of feedback. And coincidentally, they are in contrast. Some congratulated me for getting into a good school and getting the scholarship because that means I did something on my own, reduced my parents' burden on my education fees. Some shot me questions I did not know how to respond to. Like I met Mr Cheang in Jusco, I got so happy and we talked for a little bit. He asked,' Why not full scholarship? You can get full with your results.' It might be true but I just don't know what to say. What I mean is, the conversation went on but that really got me thinking, once again. Everyone expects the best right? But what is best? It's only based on one's perception and I read this somewhere, that perception is actually everything. Everything is just how you see it. You think it's a big matter, you take notice of it and vice versa. Who is to say what's yes and what's not? In this case, I'm sticking to my own decision and I've made up my mind for this once.

I keep repeating and contradicting myself these days. If you want to be mad at me, angry with me, or hold a grudge against me, by all means do it while you can. If you haven't realised the obvious, that time is zooming pass, then most probably you don't realise how much you're losing than winning at this particular moment, should you continue doing what you do best, that is looking at the dark sides of everybody and everything.

astonished.

2011-12-13T22:41:00.005+08:00

Can you imagine how little things can make you so happy, if you really sit down and think it through and thorough? For me, things I get in my everyday life can make me feel so contented and lucky that I'm me after all, like lying on my queen sized bed with the air conditioner turned on and writing in my diary about things I cherish and treasure so very much. It's like sleeping in on a raining day and hoping the rain will go away and having that dream come true so I can join the rest of the people in enjoying the world outside. It's like cuddling on the sofa reading a novel I've wanted to indulge in since so long ago. It's like receiving midnight calls and chatting with a close friend without realising time has passed. It's like having a stranger to care for me when I really think I do not deserve the attention. It's like spending time with friends and family and every person I adore. It's like dancing in the rain, being so carefree and having absolutely no worries for a moment or two. It's like never having to see that black sky overwhelm me when I'm in a state of shock.

You probably won't believe this but I've not been to a lot of new places in Ipoh until recently. Most of the time when I go out with my family, we prefer going to places we know of and being loyal customers in some particular places. That is because we know best of what is good where and instead of wasting time hanging around looking for new places to visit, we want to be comfortable with what we already know. However when I go out with my friends we always want to try going to new places like boutiques, restaurants, coffee shops, cafes and bistros. Look so there are places like San Francisco Steak House, Haagen Dazs, Michelangelo, Josephine, Dragon One, Daorae, Sushi King and more (I'm pretty sure I missed out some of them!) where I went with my friends first. It's good that I got to explore Ipoh for the past few days with different people before I leave for Mantin, if the plan remains and the decision is unchanged. I assure you, I am going to miss this place which I belong so much and the people here. I am not ready to bid my farewell.

Vast contrast.

2011-12-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

I like the feeling of being able to achieve something, just anything and the opportunity to feel proud of myself for as many times as possible. I like being complimented for anything I have done good, not just right but good if the compliment is nothing else but a sincere one. I like the taste of success simply because success does not come all that easily without what everyone knows, determination and will power. I like getting recognition from people I actually care about from doing what I choose to and what I love most.

I don't fancy being judged before being able to prove myself, to stand up for myself. I don't like that attitude of people towards anyone including me because besides its unfairness, it does no good to anyone. Nobody is anybody to defy one's stand and ability before witnessing an act of it. I don't like being said to be depending on anybody but myself in achieving merely something when the truth is that I actually take the initiative to grant myself that dream-come-true moment. I want to play fair.

First.

2011-12-08T13:26:00.004+08:00

Three firsts in my life. Not any super exciting ones that I dream of, but still. You know what I mean.

First official driving lesson this morning! My instructor is Mr Thomas and the driving centre I go is the one down the road from JJ and Tesco. I think it's near Bercham if you go to your right but no, this is to the left. From what I described, I'm pretty sure you know that I don't know the exact name of the driving centre. Hahahaha never mind, that doesn't matter a lot huh. Maybe I should just look out at the sign board or something, if there is at all. But hey, I'm so busy doing so many things at a time and it's not like I'm super good at it so maybe I'll save that few seconds for later :)

Driving can seem very easy for auto-cars but manual driving, it's tiring. Maybe not so physically but yes there are quite a lot to do. The clutch (which is used too often for its own good), the hand and pedal brake, the different gears. Thing is, I can't imagine driving without the instructor there. Hahahaha cos I'll go, WHAT DO I DO NOW. A learner, a new driver specifically me, yes I do that. Anyway I need to get my license quick cos I'll be going off in January most probably. And after that, which may be one and a half year later, I'll be very old! Spare me the horror :D Driving lessons will be pretty packed and tomorrow morning it's everything once again.

My second first, if you get what I mean, is Tumblr! It's my new blog! If this is news to you, get my link from me and you can be my follower yay. It's more of a picture blog where I reblog really pretty and decent pictures. No really, they are very very adorable. If you don't believe, you can always go have a look! Reblogging alone takes up a lot of time where you can explore so many different tumblr pages of different people, whether or not they're strangers to you. It is addictive and fun and since what I have most now is time, it's no problem at all.

Last but not least, it's my diary and it's a hand-written diary. I've always wanted to have an extremely cute book as my diary and everyone around me like teachers and friends practically advised me to start writing diary entries since I was in primary school. However, it never worked out for me. I would either sit on bed at night and realise I didn't have anything significant enough to jot down, or I would have gotten too sleepy and carried away with work that I abandoned the book that's supposed to be my diary, apparently. Until this year, in April if I'm not mistaken, I read Dorothy Koomson's The Woman He Loved Before, I got totally inspired to have my own diary where nobody knows about. Alright people may have known about it but they won't know the content, unless they're thieves haha! And this year, I guess there are memorable happenings that are worth written down in words. At times like this, I look back at what I've written and think about what happened, what changed and what didn't from the beginning till the end.

I have a lot more things I haven't done and I do have my invisible list about it. For one, I want to go travelling alone with my backpack, DSLR and a bike. Nothing else :D

Post spm!

2011-12-07T12:27:00.003+08:00

Okay I admit I've been going out for the entire two days including the day SPM's over..and yesterday. That really would explain why it sure feels like the moment of freedom has passed for awhile until Belle texted me yesterday and yay-ed for the ONE DAY freedom. I'm grateful enough, obviously!

Yesterday morning, the five of us went to school and because of some reasons, Poi See didn't get to join us when we proceed to JJ. So it was just Suzenne, Yin Yeng, Kar Wei and I. It was a spontaneous outing without any real planning before hand and I like it because that is why we ended up having a movie marathon! Magic To Win (with Wu Chun in it!) and Arthur Christmas. Trust me the movies were enjoyable because that's how I already felt even before watching them :D And so we got our couple seats again! Pfft I know I know the couples must be blaming us for occupying their rightful places like almost every time we go to the cinema but hey, we're darlings too kayyyy. Hahahaha fine I'm sorry but it's fun, hello!

We actually walked to De Garden again for Haagen Dazs and it's fated that I can't taste the ice cream there. First time we went, it was packed with people and we had to wait for our turn so we left. And the second time, it's not open yet! Such good luck we have there! Okay so it was really hot so it was Coffee Bean instead. I got persuaded to get Macha Green Tea (blended I think) and I liked it. Peach tea was good too but definitely not the vanilla shake with lotsa cream on it, not my cup of tea :)

I'm waiting for mum to pick us up for lunch. It's been a real long time since I blogged about things like these and not about the stress I'm having from all the conflicts and exams. I don't want to leave so soon.

blessing in disguise.

2011-12-06T18:10:00.003+08:00

She always believes in miracles. Although it doesn't happen to her all that often, she has faith in god, in herself that miracles do happen on lucky people and people who pray hard enough for their longings to come true. She considers herself an exception from that bunch of people because as simple as it sounds, she doesn't get to experience that indescribable bliss very much.

It's not a flaw in her life, it's definitely not something she would look back and regret about. It's because she is who she is, from the very beginning. It never really happens to her and that is the main reason she takes this current phase of life as a pleasant surprise. Recently, she admits that so many things she didn't expect before this took place right before her eyes. She thanks god and prays for that one more thing to come true. It's a dark secret that nobody should know, unless it becomes a reality someday.

She, happens to be me.

A confession.

2011-12-06T01:26:00.001+08:00

'You don't even care.'

'You're too oblivious to realise.'

Just a brief one.

2011-12-05T17:18:00.001+08:00

There you go. This is going to be alive like it has never lived before. I just got back from school, from the place I've been going to almost every day for these five years, from the place I met so many amazing people. And today is my official last day in school. This may start to sound a tad miserable, but SPM's over babehhhhhhh! Oh yeah I love life right now.

I'm still in my school uniform and I'm going to go bathe in a while and go out for the night. Not to pasar malam hahaha I'm going to join the girls at Josephine/San Francisco I'm not even sure yet :) It's going to be a celebration yes. I'm really super super uber glad that it's over like finally omg I can't believe this. Hahahahahaha.

Before I post more crap here, I'd better leave already! Gotta get ready :DDDDDDDD

don't tell me you understand.

2011-12-02T10:17:00.002+08:00

I'm blogging in the morning! Because fab asked me to. I'm such a sweet friend you see. By the way it's been a real long time since I blogged and I miss doing just this so much. Posting whatever's on my mind, doesn't matter how random things can pop up like miracles. So currently, SPM is coming to an end. Mind you, mind us, it's not officially over yet but sure it feels like it already. We've gone hanging out with the lovely peeps. I've watched Breaking Dawn and went out for dinner with the other bunch of girlfriends. Call me anytime after my last paper cos I'll be tasting the sweetness of freedom, literally!

It's not all about the bliss and contentment though. It marks an end to our high school lives. I don't like that part really. It has been five years and my friends and I, we couldn't stop thinking of how much has changed, drastically. People who were strangers before became the best of best friends and people whom we once were close to, distanced themselves and I don't know if it's on purpose. We don't want to know anymore than what we knew already because I'm sure it hurts. We don't want to find out anymore of the truth because the truth isn't everything, it just simply is what people should have known. It probably brings more harm than good and so we just want to leave it aside for the better.

People come and go and this may sound cliche and it is anyway, I hate goodbyes. We all do, in fact. I'll try my best to remember as much as I can, to keep those memories in my head for as long as they can stay. I'll obviously have a heavy heart to leave people I love and see them leaving too. And also people that may not be on talking terms with me and the bunch of us anymore but whom I adore all the same.

A twist in the ending of the apparent perfect story. I do have a piece of memory, a part of it occupying my mind that I want to erase so badly, immediately.

Confused.

2011-10-26T23:51:00.005+08:00

Every person has a different perspective in looking at things, doesn't matter what 'things' means cos I'm not going to be specific here. No doubt, people have various kinds of thinking and ideas whether they are brilliant or not. I learned it the hard way, that nobody should defy anybody's decisions unless any of us has attempted in being in one's shoes. It's never going to be fair in life but we can always try to make it minimum, the damage, the change. While we struggle so very hard just to satisfy that longing for things to go back to the way they used to be, fate slaps us hard across the face, shouting to ask us to back off and finally start to live. This may sound cliche but really, life's like that.

Sometimes people change. They change so drastically that you couldn't believe it because it's as if the former them don't exist and didn't appear in the first place. You wouldn't believe it, not until the very fact has settled for long. Whatever it is, it makes you think twice, thrice and never stop thinking. You so desperately want to put a halt to this because it troubles you more than necessary and you hate hate hate it. Most of the time, you don't agree with the things they do because you think you have a better opinion but think again, who are you? You can't possibly whine about things forever.

Thinking out of the box, putting yourself out of the entire situation and look at it from a different view. You realise you get a totally different picture from what you've seen before. You know better simply because you get a clearer, bigger picture of everything. From your angle, you see people you've once cared about. You see them, but you don't see them crystal clear. You try to reach out and before realising, a wall is built up between you and them and that's the end of it. You can do nothing any longer. You want to rescue them from the misery that you're very sure they're gonna regret soon but you can't. You want and you can't and you feel worse than being helpless.

You think of the ending you desire and imagine the bliss you'll feel. It's just like doing someone a favour silently and taking the only credit which is seeing the person smile.

Thorns among the roses.

2011-10-16T01:18:00.004+08:00

I've always thought the world is a perfect world, because this is what people around me portray. Until I finally realise it's not the same anymore. The world hasn't changed, it's me who's been too naive for my own good. I felt disappointed for a while until a close friend came telling me that it's good to know the bad sides of people sometimes. In this case, it's better early than late.

I'm not dedicating this to anyone, I just want to spill things that have been bothering me quite a bit these days. From what I observed and talked about very frequently recently, I see people who are pretentious. Why put up such an act when you know not the entire audience believes in you? Why make so much effort to create lies that you think nobody eventually knows? Why act like you're such an angel when you know too well that you're the exact opposite? Why don't take down that mask so that people get the chance to see your rotting face? Why make certain people so miserable just because of your conspiracy? So many why's and what I want to know the most, what the hell happened to your conscience?

Who are you to assume things? Who are you to talk so foolishly without even contemplating enough? Who are you to jump to conclusions without acknowledging what's real or not? Who are you to think that you are so important that I would be affected because of you? Who are you to think I will be jealous of you? Hell, sorry to say babe, I think I have a better life than you because at the very least, I don't pretend all my life. I've always wondered, if I were you, I'll consider turning over a new leaf for the sake of the people who choose to believe in your words.

I thought being around people is all about the joy and contentment until people showed me otherwise and proved me wrong all this while. I'm glad to finally wake up from this wonderful dream not because it ended, but because it existed in the first place. Frankly, I thought everyone is an angel but I'm too oblivious of the existence of the devil sides. I thought the best of everyone and in the end, people disappointed me and they're actually proud of it. I wonder why. I thought they are folks who don't judge, don't side and don't interfere. This obviously is the exact opposite of it all because they've done all those and sad to say, they're awfully wrong and never would know that. If I were the old me, I'd go straight to them and say it in their faces but no, I've changed too.

After what happened not too long ago, I came to a realisation that confrontations lead to nothing but a chaotic scene as the catastrophe. This time around, I decided to leave the matter for what it was so that nothing changes. Looks like it isn't working any better too. Thing is, I don't care anymore. After all, who am I to tell people what's right and what's wrong when they wouldn't even attempt to listen to what I have to say? Who am I to speak for myself when people are so blinded that they don't seem to know they're living in total denial? But then again, who am I to say things they don't wanna hear, who am I to wake them up from their fantasy, who am I ever to talk as if I matter so damn much?

I'm immune to it all.

i love us so much.

2011-10-02T21:25:00.004+08:00

Crystal and fabbie blogged about Grad Nite 2011 so I'm gonna do this one last post for now. Can you believe graduation night is over for us? I need to let it settle in my mind that this, which we've all been anticipated for so long is finally over. This is not the last day we see each other but it actually marks an end to this journey which seems so long but feels so short. Not only that of course, this is a reality check reminding us to allow reality to kick in and to gear ourselves up for this upcoming big thing, youknowwhat. I'm freaking out already and I need to do something about it quick.

People always asked me whether I prefer AMC or MGS. It's a very difficult question to answer you know, try being in my shoes. Primary and secondary school, they're different things all together. And being me, you'd notice the vast contrast between both schools from every perspective. I'm not going to compare which is better but I'm very happy that I made the right choice and I'm not regretting it. These five years, amazing people come and go. They make their decision to come into my life and every single one of them, I just want to say I love you. How can I ever be grateful enough?

On the 30th, Suzenne and I reached Tropicana Ballroom early. We're one of the earliest in fact and we got to hang around and took pictures from the very beginning until the end. We thought we're just on time but these beautiful girls arrived fashionably late because they were busy preparing themselves. Girls' stuff includes a lot of things from head to toe. You won't want me to name it, I'm sure the list goes on forever haha! Everyone had a great time taking pictures and just being around each other. Not forgetting the amazing performances too. Oh yes we went around hunting for Mr Cheang too but awww we didn't get to take pictures with him.

This is like a note of an end of one of the many phases in life. I don't know whether moving on is as easy as it seems but obviously I'm having a heavy heart.

Turning point.

2011-10-02T11:19:00.001+08:00

Us against the world. I put us in the situation and I don't foresee the ending that I wish would happen. It's a sad ending because at the very end of the journey, I see us free falling into the depth of nothingness. From what I see, this wouldn't turn out the way we wanted it to be. It's the exact opposite actually, and that breaks my heart. As much as I hate to admit the truth, I can't live in denial for the rest of the time. It isn't going to be fair that way, to either one of us.

I'm not the person you think I am. In other words, I don't think you know me well enough to realise the difference between what you imagined of me and the real me after all. It's good that you at least make the effort to figure out but this might disappoint you because no, I'm not the flawlessly illustrated girl in your mind. I don't feel exceptionally great when you think so highly of me simply because I know myself too well. I don't deserve love that I know so badly that I can't accept, even though I'm so tempted to say yes.

I have my side of the story and it's going to be one side of the story that you'll never know. I'm not trying to be secretive of anything, however it's best to keep this secret the way it was. This is definitely against my will because my mind and my heart, they're making me so confused. In case I haven't made myself clear enough, if I were given an opportunity to choose once again, I'd do exactly what I've done before. Ask no more.

moving on.

2011-09-27T17:04:00.001+08:00

It was her day, her big day. She forced herself into reality, from the sweetest dream she had ever dreamt. She remembered the major decision she made which was to go for the latter choice, the person who came into her life so abruptly after the pain she had been through. What she needs and what she wants, she knows too badly that the choice has got to be harmless to herself and if possible, everyone else.

She knows she has to convince herself that regret shouldn't hit her at all, not even for a microsecond. But she also knows that it's uncontrollable, so abstract and leaves too great an impact on her. The feeling hasn't struck her yet, fortunately, but she's afraid that it will, somehow someday. She's terrified, so terrified that that one day will arrive.

start believing.

2011-09-26T20:26:00.000+08:00

'After all we've been through, I need you to tell me the truth. Right now.'

'But, that's what I've been telling you all this while.'

tell me.

2011-09-23T16:09:00.000+08:00

What else do you expect from me after exams, if not frequent posts here?

I have so many movies to watch, so many novels to indulge in. As usual so much to do, so little time but in a good way. I'm not complaining, just wishing time would pass a little slower, or pause for a moment because there are times when I need to convince myself that I'm not living in a dream.

My parents are going down to KL for a conference that my dad's gonna attend and no, I'm not tagging along because they'll only be back on Wednesday if the plan is not changed. The thing is, I need to get my dress for GradNite! As much as I hate to say this, almost all of my friends have gotten all the stuff for the event this coming Friday and sad to say, I'm one of the minority. Never mind, now that I haven't gotten anything and haven't even started looking around and that I'm not going to KL this weekend, I still have today and tomorrow left :) I didn't really bother about getting anything before this until people started talking about it and I realised it's so soon. Grrrh.

I'm done ranting for now, thank god. Expect more from me soon, like real soon! Tuition is in an hour so I need some sleep for now. I love you.

Breakeven.

2011-09-22T16:28:00.003+08:00

When her heart breaks, no it doesn't breakeven.

A person she loves and a person who loves her. Both can't exist at the same time and more importantly, not in one person. It's the cruel reality that she has to live in and since it's inevitable, she just has to hold it in rather than spilling all kinds of emotions which would only hurt people around her. It was raining heavily that day. She fulfilled her promise and waited for that person to come to her. She knew better, she knew he wouldn't show up. But there's something in her that kept her going, after waiting for what seemed like an eternity. She sat on the ground, allowing the rain to overwhelm her as if to get herself sober and awake, literally or not. She waited and waited until the rain finally stopped. The rainbow appeared and that's when she made up her mind.

A person whom she loves and a person who loves her. She went for the latter.

Sexy Joe.

2011-08-27T16:25:00.000+08:00

She's been a friend of mine for five years now. Those five years, it's not nothingness. Not only she and I, we've been through lots of ups and downs with the rest of the gang for uncountable times. We see each other in school every day, what do you expect? Heh. Hmm let's see a vast difference between me and her. For me, if you don't know me, you would want to give me a punch in the face because I always always look so annoying and maybe a little snobbish? That's what I get from people who used to not know me. Well at least they are frank enough :) And for this girl I'm dedicating this post to, you would think of the opposite of what you think of me, before and after knowing this wonderful person.

That's already a pretty good introduction, I guess :) But no, I'm not even halfway done. She is one pretty babe, she's kind, sincere, helpful and always hyper. By always, I don't mean all the time, of course. Well most of the time, she is happy. It's as if a smile/laugh is carved permanently on her face and it's only on those really rare days that you see a different face from the one you see every day, maybe without noticing. She is nice and friendly and that had been my very first impression of her. Actually, I can't recall how we've known each other back in form one but I think we only got close these recent years. Once again, I don't know how and why but if I were you, I can't resist her (in a good and positive way, duh!).

She is smart but she keeps really low profile. That is why she's the person anyone would turn to when they have doubts or questions on school work. And as far as I know, she would willingly go all out to offer help. She has her stand on things but usually when there is a quarrel or misunderstanding among friends, she'll be the one trying to patch things up for people and wanting her peers to come together in peace. In some particular incidents, she doesn't make a decision to take sides because she is one person who voluntarily oblige. I am always amazed because doing that simple deed, it's not as easy as you think. Just imagine.

She is not only what I've mentioned above. On top of all that, she is ambitious. Her latest obsession slash ambition is to be Nancy Drew because there are cases waiting to be solved. I know she's not very good at it (hahahahahaha), but she's trying her best to accomplish at least something. We've come up with lots of different nicknames for her and Sexy Joe is as far as I know, the best one :) It's even on her cake we bought her, just now at some cake shop. We had a little celebration at Old Town White Coffee too. Happy birthday once again, Joey!

a wish, granted.

2011-08-21T23:26:00.003+08:00

My sister said my blog has become too emotional for its own good so yeah I have happy things to share too okay. Err, this weekend, it has been really great. First, the big sister came back from PJ and we got to spend time going for some shopping, eating out and just hanging around Ipoh. Like hello, it's not KL here so the places we went don't really matter. Usually when she's here, we'll be talking about many things, crappy things especially and I don't care how random they can be. But but, she's like a friend whom I can turn to whenever I need it. I miss it when we shared a bed room and we'd end up talking until midnight is way over. Anyway there's no need to be sad that she's gone back to her flat in PJ because next week she's coming back again for a study break. And by then, I'll be all geared up just like all the fifth formers this year.

School has been much much better. Issues are solved and I'm more than glad. I just want to get over it and if that means I have to give in and oblige, then I'll let it be the way it's supposed to be. No more tears, no more accusations and yeah, it's just going to be a neutral thing because you know what? I don't give a damn anymore. Whatever it is, I don't care because that is exactly what's expected from me in the first place. I'm just being nice :)

XOXO.

last thing i ever wanted.

2011-08-13T19:44:00.007+08:00

I've always talked about things I long and yearn for and ignored what I least wanted. Well now, I have something clear. Trouble. I didn't want to start a quarrel and it wasn't an act of backstabbing (I still can't comprehend why that word even existed in her shouting) and most importantly, I didn't accuse her of anything. Okay if two similar things happened quite simultaneously to each other, I couldn't help thinking whether it's my fault. After chilling and getting texts and calls of concern wanting to know how I was doing after the bad bad crying, I couldn't stop but think it has to be part of my fault too, that this even happened at all in the first place. Although I couldn't convince myself to believe that I've done anything wrong at all, it must be something that got on her nerves. I don't know, maybe it's the face that I'm born with that annoyed her that much.

As much as I hate it, I even thought of apologising, like what fab suggested. But wouldn't that mean I'm admitting that I made a mistake, when that's not the truth at all? Wouldn't that mean that I agree with what she said about me which doesn't make any sense to me? Wouldn't that mean I'm calling myself a loser even if I think I'm not at all in the wrong? So after a lot of thinking and talking, I would really want to put that thought aside and think of other possible ways to solve this in peace because no, I'm not gonna admit defeat especially when there's nothing I did that I would say is not right.

I'm so happy to have a bunch of friends who stand on our side after seeing us sobbing away and in fact, they don't know what happened in that staff room. That mere kindness is more than enough to prove that they're people who care. But they're not the ones we have to face. It's a person who doesn't listen and thinks she has all the right and say in things that we have to sort things out with. And again, whatever I'm saying about her is true and it's what everyone says too, all the time. But when it's time to talk face to face, nobody has the courage to say it out loud, maybe because they're cowardly or just don't want to get themselves into trouble. And the stupid me, would talk without thinking and in the end, I get all the blame and scolding for being impolite when I'm just speaking for our rights and pride.

It's heartbreaking to know that I've been in the club for longer than anyone, including her and all I get at the end of the journey is someone telling me that I neither have the right to voice out my thoughts, nor do I have any say in making any decisions. Irony is, I've been in the club for a period of time longer than she has. And yet, she gets all the say, she deserves to make all the decisions and choices without letting the old batch know. Oh yes, call me a busybody for interfering in things which won't affect us in any way. But instead of just getting the recognition and leave, we have commitment and passion too. It's just mere concern and the fact is twisted so much that we got shouted at for being jealous and not minding our own business. Tell me now, is it fair in any way?

She's a person we're supposed to look up to. However, after witnessing her words and actions, I really have my doubts. I wouldn't say I hate her because hatred is not the exact feeling I have towards her. It's not grudge, it's not anger, it's disappointment.

I rest my case.

insanity.

2011-08-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

Don't care too much for a person whom you know you shouldn't. It may be hidden so well that you think not a soul will be able to reveal that little secret of yours. But, there's always a but. You don't think there's anything wrong with that, when the truth is that you're living in total denial. You just have to keep telling yourself that the person you love is the wrong person, and the way you feel is at a very wrong timing. It may be a mere feeling but that is enough to make things chaotic, even worse than the present confused state. You definitely should get your priorities straight and keep that apparent secret in the background until it finally disappears, once and for all.

Now playing - Sorry That I Loved You by Anthony Neely

the silver lining.

2011-08-07T18:19:00.000+08:00

happily ever after.

2011-08-05T14:50:00.000+08:00

Have you gotten out of bed and immediately, your mind is not on pause and instead, it is filled with thoughts of happiness of what people did for you, regardless of their intention to let you know? All you see is hope. All of a sudden, the world is full of colours and animation and the only thing you can't wait for is to enjoy this beautiful place. You know, the smallest things can make the biggest difference. The big picture, everybody sees it. So for me, I'd prefer looking at and relishing the simplest thing possible which makes the big picture what it is in the first place. I love people around me, simply because they make me whole. And the one person I appreciate most and prioritise unintentionally is the very person who cares more than enough. I mean, who would go all out to want someone to be happy without thinking of the consequences to that oneself? Who would be abnormally concerned about you that it gets you curious about the reason behind too?

This is a dream, I'd tried so very hard to convince myself that. But the harder I try, the longer it is that I live in denial. It is something which is too good to be true. I just hope I live in this dream, this fantasy for as long as it may go.

flaw.

2011-07-26T20:14:00.001+08:00

I came back from the teacher's office and walked my way back to my classroom. I saw my bunch of friends gossiping as usual and I wasn't in the mood to even go near them. I put my head on my table and started thinking. I didn't know what was wrong until someone put a hand on my shoulder and asked me what happened, as if anything had happened at all. I succumbed to the kindness and decided to give in. I started to cry and cry and cry.

don't say it's over.

2011-07-23T11:48:00.000+08:00

It's anger and hatred and disgust all mixed too well together and after thinking long and hard enough, things become totally different. Hatred disappeared almost invisibly (not literally though) and without me realising but it succumbed to the angel in me. People say when the angel tells you to take a step forward, the devil in you convinces you otherwise or maybe worse, to take two steps backward. This is either a coincidental exception or probably the saying doesn't apply on me at all. It's not getting mad and having to release your temper that makes you a better person, it's actually the exact opposite. Try sitting back and recalling the good deeds that are done in your favour, instead of the ones that got you so frustrated and gave you the desire to harm or hurt the person who filled your mind so full that it might explode anytime. You're forgiving someone not because you are a loser, it's that you are willing to let something go in order to move on. For me, forgive, it's difficult but yes I can do it for everybody's sake. Forget, no.

I Wanna Know.

2011-07-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

Fab reminded me that this blog of mine is left abandoned for quite a while already so I'm here to save it back to life. Hahaha cut the crap, many things have happened. Some good, some bad and I'm not complaining. I'm happy with the ways things have gone and I'm happy to be just the way I am. You may not believe me but at least try being in my shoe and understand that I don't give too much of a damn of what people say anymore. I do care, yes but instead of taking it all in, I choose to look who's there to trust. I've had enough of it trying to live it up to anyone and the most important of all that I ain't happy doing exactly that. I gave up and I think I've made the right decision. I bet you agree with me. A friend of mine told me that problems come to you even if you don't want any and try to do anything possible to avoid them. It's impossible to want things your way in every moment of your life. Take me as an example because really, I've gone through all those.

Putting unnecessary things at the back of my mind, that's what I'm gonna do. I have things to put my full concentration and attention on so yeah, I'm just going to try to achieve that for now. Just a little update on the past activities since my last blog post ok? We had Sports Day. Rangers marching won omg yay I'm still excited! We freaking won can you believe it! Hahahahahaha it's plain awesomeness. And Cavell won overall. Congrats to fab for the good work and effort since the beginning of the year :) I managed to take a few pictures with my girlfriends but I didn't have time to upload it. The sucky internet connection only makes things worse so I'll leave that to later, maybe much later. And after Sports Day the Interactors went on with the trip to Penang and we really really enjoyed ourselves. The beach was amazing and the sea never failed to give us peace and calmness. I love the sea because it's simply beautiful. We had our beach games and we visited so many places which are worth remembering. And nobody can forget the motivation speaker Martin Jalleh who did a great job keeping us awake and laughing :)

Before that, my fourth and last IU Day is over. We put a hell lot of effort and hard work into it and maybe it wasn't the most perfect event of the year, I think everything we did paid off pretty well. People weren't too obedient and cooperative but what can I say, we did our best. And if that's not enough, we can't blame anyone because it's beyond our control. There was a crazy bunch of crowd and I'm happy to be able to see these people whom I may know and may not because I wonder when some of us will even meet again. If it's going to be a few years, we'll be reminiscing then. Awwwwhhh. Installation cum farewell is coming up soon but we're handing our jobs over to the incoming board of directors so we'll happily leave the load of work for them to start with. It's going to be a brand new club, having totally different people to handle everything. I hope the club doesn't die hahaha.

This morning we had our Anugerah Cemerlang and the 1 Malaysia exhibition. A few of us were in the hall the whole time, talking, gossiping and watching strangers filling the school compound. We got our certs and by the time we ate, it was almost dismissal time and as we predicted, we didn't get the chance to visit any of the exhibition rooms. There were so many classrooms occupied for the event but nah I didn't even step into any of those except for our own. I actually want to see those pretty things people have put up everywhere. Too bad too bad. Fortunately, I got to spend time with the gang of girls and they definitely made my day. After that I went to Sam Tet for my brother's report card day before going for lunch with my family, without my sister. Awwwhh sad.

My past few weekends have been busy and that's not exactly how I want to spend my time. I want to wake up late in the morning and just laze around the house doing nothing until I'm finally too bored to stay that way. I guess I didn't have much of that since this year started and my plan is going to fail for a few more weeks ahead. Tomorrow I'll be going to Semangat Maju for community work and there's more if I want to go on. But I won't because I love my readers and I don't want them to view nothing else but my rants :)

I'm not greedy. I just want things to remain.

breathe breathe.

2011-06-12T16:17:00.003+08:00

Yesterday and the day before it were my two busiest days of this June holidays. Not to say really busy lah, it's just that I spent my entire day out. So I guess I'm going to be really detailed cos all I want is to reminisce the sweet moments! Banana asked me whether I wanna follow her and her sister to KL to attend this U-Kiss Bran New Kiss album showcase and of course I said yes. My parents didn't have anything to say at first but after awhile they said no so I was really down and all until Banana's mum said she and their driver will be going down with us too. Omg that's like the best news ever to know and my parents finally allowed me to go! The same thing happened to Chi Ying. So the 7 of us went down to KL on friday morning at 8 plus. We reached Pavilion and shopped around a little, took our lunch and waited outside the entrance at 3 plus and the event only started at 8. We stood beside the stage but got chased away by those guards so we went and stood far far behind with the crowd. Omg the pushing and pulling here and there was so annoying! My bag was already so damn heavy and they kept resting their hands and heads on it dammit.

Anyway the crowd was huge and it was packed like sardine but nobody cared. I can still remember the emcee inviting U-Kiss to go on stage omg omg everyone shouted like mad. You won't believe how good looking and flawless and charismatic and nice they all are until you see them in person, like what I did :DD Eli and AJ and Kevin spoke English all the way throughout the showcase and surprisingly AJ could speak really fluent English! He went 'Oh since everyone is picking their own fans on stage, I would really like to know who my fans are!' And everyone screamed like mad again. Idk why but I remember this very line so vividly. AJ looked effortlessly good looking why so unfair! And Eli, he likes to show off himself because he knows and we all know that he's handsome like anything. So he kept stepping forward to the front of the stage and interact with the fans really often. That's a good thing obviously because if he kept standing to the back part of the stage I wouldn't be able to see him cos the stupid banners were blocking my view.

When the intro part of 0330 started playing I was so touched omg. I'm obsessed with this song since it was released and I only got to watch their performance of the song on Music Bank all this while. I can't believe I could finally watch it live! The feeling was so different and their singing was not bad at all! :) I can never listen to the song the same way I used to and I can never, ever look at U-Kiss the same way too. So when I watched yesterday's singing competition with U-Kiss as the guest stars, it was really different. And touching and so so amazing. They sang four songs altogether and it was a pleasant surprise for me. I didn't expect them to sing so many songs and I thought the showcase would last only for about an hour but it lasted for two hours, until 10! Amazing!

Kiseop danced really really well! I totally understand why they chose him as the lead dancer. He's so full of energy when it comes to dancing! I mean, he really stood out from the rest of them in dancing. Maybe it's his passion or his gifted talent. Plus, he has such beautiful face with perfect features. Actually his singing is not bad also but I don't understand why he isn't given a lot of chances to prove himself. At the end of the showcase there was this autograph session for fans who paid for it. These super lucky fans went up the stage and shook hands and talked to them! While we went next to the stage to get a better view. Oh my goodness we were really close to them. Ignore the crowd all around me, they were very good looking! Especially SooHyun. He is super cute in person unlike in tv shows and music performances I used to watch. I'm serious here he looks so nice and and adorable! Standing beside SooHyun are Kevin, Eli, AJ, Kiseop, Hoon then Dongho. Dongho wore this pink headband haha so funny. He acted like a child and he said he's good at playing Angry Bird! I'm so so so lucky to have the chance to meet them in person! I'm still replaying the scenes of the night in my head. I want to dream about them every night :) I'll post pictures I took that night later but not now because connection is super lousy right now.

Yesterday. It was SMI's gathering for scouts and guides. It was a crazy day because I counted and we spent 15 hours in that school omg. We were all semangat in the morning and then we got a little bored and very very very very hungry in the afternoon. We ended up playing the pig game and laughed like mad at dumb YeohYianMay hahahahahaha so funny la her face. Chi Ying and Ah Chau kept taking videos of her without her noticing ;) When we got bored we just walked around the school watching people's competitions here and there to get rid of the boredom. Once we went into the hall time passed so quickly. There was the cheer session where everyone shouted and screamed like nobody's business. That hurt my eardrums a lot but I enjoyed the noise. I couldn't even hear myself, even talking to the babes took a hell lot of strength. The performances were great, some funny and some lame but overall it was good. There were two or three free dance sessions and people went crazy. I had no idea when my friends held me up all of a sudden and when I realised I was in the air. Duh I was freaking out as well lah but it was fun. They did that twice to me haha! All because of NgYinYeng the manipulator :DD The running around like mad chicken part was fun also but I kept running out of breath grr. Pity ChiYing and YuenTheng cos they fell down so hard on the ground and I was laughing sorry :) MGS got the overall champion walao yay! So so amazing.

Now it's time for reality to kick in. Back to work, back to books. Oh yeah before that, I'm going to Jusco at 5 plus for Ee Wei's birthday party. Happy birthday, girlfriend. And happy belated one to Crystal Yong, happy advanced birthdays to Elaine and Fung and my dad and myself! :)

Life is good.

2011-06-04T21:13:00.000+08:00

This is going to be a short update from KL. So yeah I'm now in One World Hotel and I got bored of tweeting non stop so I'm here just for a little while. I'm not bored of being here though, I mean, who would? It's our third day here and we're going back to Ipoh tomorrow but I doubt that I'll have time to even blog when I'm back so this explains this. We've gone to 1 Utama for idk how many times including this afternoon, just my sister and I. Parents went to watch my brother play but he didn't in the end anyway because only the under 18 boys get to go to the finals. So we bought all we can and that sums up to around 450 I think omg there's hardly any money left. We wanted to go drink at Juice Works because sis said Sandra said it's good but we couldn't find it. We didn't manage to watch a movie too because the queue was way too long to wait. I'm happy we bought lots of clothes and I got my vintage bag! We're just back from Curve and the restaurant we had our dinner served heavenly food. We were bloated at first and I'm still full now, really. When I'm back I'll be rushing homework because so far I'm done with Maths, Accounts and Sejarah. I'm doing Add Maths halfway and decided to leave it for later because I want to enjoy my holiday. Gonna read my novel again tonight I wanna finish it. So it's my turn to use the bathroom now so long.

more than enough.

2011-06-01T18:27:00.003+08:00

I was sick starting from the day before yesterday at midnight. I'm much better now and I would do anything and everything to not go back to what I had suffered. I have this annual sickness without fail but I didn't expect it to be this bad. Usually it's high fever and flu and headache all together, this time it's food poisoning. I felt really unwell and my parents had to accompany me while I vomited non stop. Before this I couldn't bear the thought of vomiting at all because it's so gross and disgusting I thought I would vomit more but really, it made me feel better. Not the nauseous feeling, it's the relief I had. And the better thing is, my parents were there for me. The day before it was the vomiting which got me so uncomfortable and yesterday night, I had chest pain and that's because I didn't eat anything. I was too afraid that if I had anything in my stomach I would throw it all up again so I decided against taking any food at all. But learn from my stupid mistake, or you'll get heartache. Literally. Dad said it's because of too much acid.

I'm lucky to have my dad to give me all kinds of medicine without having to go to the hospital and get prescriptions from doctors you don't know you can trust. Actually when I said I was so unwell dad suggested to go to the hospital since it's just around the corner near my house but I said no. I just don't like it and where else can be more comfy than your own house? Appreciate, appreciate. I'm really almost a hundred percent good and well now so I'm looking forward to going to KL tomorrow to see my brother and sister. They're both in PJ now. What a great coincidence. Oh by the way, before I forget, never ever ever take a whole lot of junk food in one go because you may end up like me and that's so unbearable. I mean, my friends had the same thing as I did but they're fine. And being the exception isn't a good thing here but just be very careful.

Holiday homework mode is on for me. I've done Mod Maths and Accounts this morning and I'm going to continue with Sejarah until I finish it tonight. There is a ton more but I still have around two weeks. Oh thank god for the holidays. But it isn't really a holiday to relax and have fun because homework is always there to remind me I have stuff to complete. However, it should be more than okay to hang out with peeps here and there and why? Because because. It's the holidays hahaha. I've gone out with five other babes the other day and we watched Priest and bought lots of birthday presents for each other without letting the person involved know what it is. I know this is beyond efficient but what to do right. We were eating at a Hong Kong restaurant and I had to sit there and watch my friends plan my surprise for me right in front of my eyes yet I could do nothing about it. So people from our gang with birthdays just over or coming right up, beware because surprises are awaiting you. And that's gonna be on the first day of school after the holiday :)

head up to the sky.

2011-05-28T22:06:00.001+08:00

I guess I'm gonna keep my blog alive as much as I can cope because I owe everything to it. So I'm here for a revenge or if it doesn't make any sense to you, I'm just here to babble. I'm going to blog about yesterday when I felt like a good big sister, together with my sister and mother. Yesterday after school three other friends and I took the town bus and went to our Accounts tuition centre in Old Town. Although feeling very guilty for leaving a primary school girl on the bus alone apart from the bus driver, we got down because there's nothing we could do about it. I still hope nothing bad happened to her. Anyway that's not my main point. The thing is, after tuition I'm supposed to go home and grab my Malay books and go to another place for lesson. I've skipped three BM lessons including yesterday's one and I feel really bad. But mum persuaded and convinced me to go to Sam Tet with them because my little brother is going to sing for his Teacher's Day celebration. Actually he's not little because he's already in Form 2 but in comparison with me, he is. I'm saying this because I don't want anybody to think that he's a baby because he wouldn't like that and he's not anywhere near that. He's taller than me already although that bothers me a lot. How can anyone grow so fast? I don't like it to be the smallest in the family.

Back to the story, I agreed and we went into the school compound with permission from the guard and a very kind teacher Mr Lee. He's apparently the discipline teacher. In fact, he really is but he doesn't act like one. And I find that very adorable. That's exactly how a teacher should be like, not snobbish or cocky in any case. So we were hanging around the school and I got tired so I sat on the floor. The boys were supposed to be in the hall but the activities outside the hall were amazing. I sat at the corner just outside the hall and I saw tons of people going to the toilet and fooling around, doing anything so that they didn't have to sit in the hall and listen. I was hungry so I went to the canteen, intended to get some food but there's only one drinks stall open at that time because it's way over recess time. I got something to fill my growling stomach and continued walking around aimlessly with my sister. And my mum sat at the bench near the main gate. I don't think I saw anyone familiar and I hope not too hahahaha.

When we first went there the awesome Mr Lee asked us to go into the hall to watch but we said there's no need to that. After awhile we regretted like mad and finally I approached one of the prefects in charge at the door to the hall and asked him where the oh-so-kind teacher was. God helped us when he came downstairs and WaiLynn asked him whether we're allowed in the hall and he said yes. We're so very glad to finally have a proper chair to sit on and air conditioning also oh my goodness. It's heaven but I didn't feel comfortable when every head in the hall turned. Why are people so nosy. By the way I enjoyed all eight performances by the boys and I admired their courage when they went on with what they're supposed to although the audience kept booing them. We found that really hilarious because the guys weren't supportive at all. They booed every single performer excluding my brother. And let me guess. Because we three were sitting right at the back of the hall yay.

Can you imagine I skipped tuition because of him? And that my mum asked me to? I'm so not doing this anymore and that's also the reason of me going to Bio tuition this morning although everyone's phones either died or slept. Luckily Nyet Ting's phone was ok. Look at Michelle. She's my tu di but I don't see hope in her! I'm too disappointed hahahah. But she's learning Mandarin from me now. Simple words to scold her or the person she admires. I don't want her to be bullied by cocky people. They're not worth your time and the worst thing is, she doesn't have a temper. Anyway she's still better than Ee Wei. At least she took initiative to learn. I'm starting to change the topic already oh no! I shall stop before I do, I won't want to contaminate my post with hurtful things :)

What Can You Do When Your Good Isn't Good Enough.

2011-05-26T15:35:00.001+08:00

I'm back from school and I've not bathed yet because I'm too excited to finally come online and blog. I've been thinking about blogging since a week or two ago when I'm supposed to read Bio or Chemistry or whatever it is. And I have a feeling this is going to be a long post because I've missed out too much and I'm trying hard to make it up for myself. Guess what. Exam's over. Excitement is undeniable but I've been registering this very fact that today's the last day of the mid-year exam since this morning when I was doing my Accounts paper 2. I got too excited and I started pondering what to do after I'm done with the papers which is now. Hahahah and if you're following my sister's blog, she's blogging so much about her university life or in her case, the long yearned freedom. I don't know if she misses home but we miss her, especially my parents. I have things to occupy my mind but after work my parents will be wondering what she's doing and try to call her until she answers because sometimes classes are going on when they call. I kind of pity them la cos my mum said she felt so weird without my sister around after she went to PJ for a day. Imagine a year.

So many things have happened and May is almost over all because of stupid exams. First thing, birthdays! May babies are as awesome as June babies and let's see. It's my brother's birthday yesterday and I remember cutting the cake and singing the birthday song for him while holding my accounts book. He used to be really excited about his birthday and start counting down since a month ago before the day itself but he's not like that anymore. And that's annoying lol. And it's Yin Yeng's birthday on the 22nd of May and I remember that's the Sunday before Chemistry test the next day. I remembered initially but I only wished her after Chi Ying reminded me because my mind was full of Chemistry at that time. Sorry, girlfriend but I promised to celebrate with her after exams. And maybe buy something for her cos it's suffering to have a birthday during exams. At least I don't like it but she said she's used to it already. Positive thinking is good yo. It's Faithy's birthday on the 24th and I wished her also but I couldn't come online to wish her on facebook or something. That's what I normally do but yeah, I'm forgiven. And she said I'm awesome. Thanks although I know it already :)

All I did when the exams are going on is counting down. And I'm so happy to cross out every subject jotted down in my notebook every day. At least there's something for me to get happy about because I get really stressed for god knows what reason hahaha. And my alarm clock has never been this useful since forever and I'm glad that I have a huge one which is dutiful enough to make me wake up at 5.30 every morning. And that's very early for me cos I normally wake up at 6.30 to go to school. Since my sister's not here I slept in my parents' room with my parents and my brother and it's one big family crammed up in a single room when the others are left empty. We do that all the time and I like it heheh. Ok exams may be over but there's a lot of work coming my way. Urgh I have a whole stack of papers in my school file already and we're supposed to get all of it done during the holidays. This is exactly defeating the purpose of the holidays. And if you give me a moderate amount of stuff to complete maybe I will but when it's too much, I may just give up and not do at all. I'll look at my mood and this is a theory worth considering. Exams are only over today and we're asked to pass up karangan and accounts folio by tomorrow. And I'm still blogging here when I have tuition tonight. And I have to help to fold the mountain of clothes on the sofa cos aunt's not here. Aihhh.

I'm still very full after eating at Ola Ola. I wanted to go to Jusco initially to get some books to fill up my stock. Jodi Picoult has this new book and I want to get it but mum said she's not free. She has to do house chores so I had chicken parmigiana for lunch just now. And I'm still bloated now. Not until the extent of feeling like vomitting though. Haha I feel so comfortable wearing the white shirt without the pinafore. I'm now tweeting and reading blogs here and there to catch up on people's lives. And one of them is my sister. Oh by the way I think we're going to KL next week to visit her and also for my brother's MSSM tennis thing. I'm not proud to say that I'm the least occupied person. Both of them kept going off. Like last week he went for his training and sister went off to PJ with my parents to enquire some information about her campus and accommodation and all. So I'm left at home alone with my books. My aunt came and stayed with me until they came home but when she had work I was home alone literally. It's so not fun.

Why must everything be on the 11th of June? Look. There's SMI gathering which I'm not really looking forward to. There's also Ee Wei's birthday celebration and because of the gathering she pushed it to her real birthdate which is the 12th. Haha so kind of her. See, I'm not that insignificant. And Viji wants to have a sleepover. I'm still not so sure whether I'll be too tired to go to her place after the gathering. If I really want to then I'll just follow Tina to her place. I don't know whether mum will allow because even I think that's too much. And I'm supposed to go for the birthday celebration straight from Viji's place. Ridiculous aye? Nah never mind I'll figure that out later. I have tuition tonight and lots of things to work on so bye for now. I have more to blog about and I'll be back in no time.

So Long.

2011-04-15T21:22:00.002+08:00

I didn't know what to feel. And this was on the day Mrs Lee called us to her office and congratulated us for getting first place for the investment quiz we took part in in early March. Three schools were chosen to proceed to the next level and very fortunately, we're one of them. And not only that, we're the top of the three. Can you believe that? Well, we couldn't when Mrs Lee told us exactly that and shook our hands while telling us it's a good job done. At the same time, she seemed a tad sad because she'll be leaving the day after the news arrived and she'll no longer be with us, not even until the end of the year. It's sad to know that when we go for the state level quiz in June, there's no same person who will do what she did, go around the school to look for us just to motivate us and try very hard to convince us that we can do it, although we deeply doubted ourselves. That's for a reason actually, Joey and I don't even take EA as a subject for SPM and we didn't know anything about these investment stuff. I don't know, it just sounds too professional. I kind of blame myself for agreeing to the offer in the first place without thinking it through because I didn't know there's so much to do. Imagine us going through the same thing all over again. Ahhh, misery.

I'm taking this up again just because that's the last time I personally met and spoke to her, minus the times out of school. I don't think it's too late saying this, I don't think it'll ever be too late in fact, that we're so very reluctant to let her leave. She's been a great principal, there's no doubt about that. Anyone who's in doubt, ask any, just any person in MGS and you'll get your answer. She's got a lot of achievements from the MGS people with her lead. And now, after four years plus, ACS gets the honour to have her as the principal. Yes, we're jealous of them of having what we had, what was once ours and those people are just so lucky that they don't seem to realise and appreciate it, at least not until now. On the day of farewell, on the day she said goodbye, I didn't cry. I blame Suzenne for ruining my depressed mood but looking at the video playing, memories came flooding back. And it's overwhelming.

Quoting Fab, goodbyes are never easy.

Just To Break Into My Heart.

2011-04-01T21:26:00.005+08:00

She hates mushrooms and me. But the things which she adores are way more than the ones she loathes. Or at least I've always thought so. And I couldn't possibly be wrong right. She loves mango and black. She loves novels and movies like I do and I've never seen her without one of those. Maybe not 24/7 but yeah, most of the time. She's a hardcore Kpop fan since god knows when and I can't recall the exact date of the day she officially becomes a permanent and dutiful fan. She likes Jay Chou and she's been to his concert, finally after years and years of longing to see his face. She likes SS501 too, since Kim Hyun Joong acted so well, according to her in Boys Over Flowers a few years back. She's different from me obviously because all I did after watching the Korean drama was compliment LeeMinHo's pretty face. Instead, she started looking up her idol's details through the internet and later fell in love and she couldn't save herself out of it, even until now. And I'm still there to watch the good show carefully put up for her audience, if there's any besides me.

People constantly say we look alike. When we were younger even strangers approached us and asked whether we're twins. That's because we're seen together no matter where we went. I heard sisters are usually very close and adding on to this, we're only a year apart. So that explains everything I guess. I used to follow her everywhere, because I didn't know what to do and I simply couldn't bear to be the eldest sister as that's just not me. I've been and will always be the middle child. You know what middle children do. And yes, I'm a problematic kid since forever. I still am, by the way. I just got scolding from mum and I cried. Anyway, back to the point. She's great in writing especially in English and I've always admired her work because I can do nothing as good. She's interested in that area and she initially wanted to take up MassCom and further her studies on that but I think parents didn't really agree to that decision. So her next step after working part time is going to Form six which will be tough apparently. I wish her luck.

Her newest hobby is reading my essays although mine is never even close to what she is capable of doing. Look, that's irony. She just found out about this new interest about half an hour ago and she couldn't stop bugging me to let her have a look at one of the two that I'm working on. That's not annoying, I just thought it's kind of worth mentioning here. Oh have I mentioned? She buys books, I read them. I'm not saying she doesn't read what she buys. She does. But in the past I haven't been particularly interested in shopping in book stores and buying books that I like. So it's her job, once again. She plays an important role in our everyday life you see.

She is extremely easily influenced and what her friends do matters the most to her. That's not necessarily a bad thing, and of course it's not that great either. It's just her and this is one of her many characters. We often laugh at how well she reflects her peeps' doings because whatever she does changes from time to time. And that's when she changes her friends as I assume. She used to say there's no real friends in school. Friends exist, yes but they're not being the best she expected. That disappointed her a lot and I'm more than glad that she found really great friends in her NS camp in Merbok. They may not be from the top classes in their respective schools but as she said, they have way better personalities and that's what matters after all. I'm happy too.

Happy eighteenth, the big sister. It's the beginning of the legal year ;)

We're Worth The While.

2011-03-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

Karma.

2011-02-25T20:26:00.003+08:00

I'm impressed at how quickly people can change from good to bad or otherwise. Just so you know, it's funny somehow that one second you're this and another, you're that. I don't go through these drastic changes in such a short period of time because what I do before holding a grudge against someone is reminisce. I'll think about how we meet, know each other and finally be friends that can even share the deepest secrets. Unlike certain people whom I know, I don't just ignore a person, assuming the other party is aware that I'm angry for a reason nobody knows until it's told. It's unfair that way, especially when I'm the one who has to go through all the pain. At first of course it feels empty but afterwards when I know that nobody but me cares, I'll just adapt to it because I'm not as free a person as you may think I am. I have other stuff to worry and fuss about so I can't guarantee full attention on what you intend to do. When I know there's a lack of sincerity, I'll just simply do what you did to me, that is walk away. Quoting Y, when it's peaceful we're family but when a problem arises, we're nothing more than strangers. That's heartbreaking, really.

Stay.

2011-02-13T22:07:00.001+08:00

How I wish I can just let it all out.

Beaming Hope.

2011-01-28T21:36:00.002+08:00

Chinese New Year is finally here! It's always the best time of the year for me. Who would hate it when you know you're going to receive a ton of red packets with all the pretty decorations everywhere and also music full of the new year atmosphere? School today was quite fun. We're asked to wear a tinge of red to school and everyone's so excited. And I don't know who came up with the awesome idea to tie two ponytails. But of course naughty people like Crystal and Elaine didn't bother to. Bad them. So everyone got busy getting the hair done in the morning before assembly. And I totally have no idea why I got up there and sang those Chinese songs. I don't even know them well but my mood was good you know. We all did Shekinah a favour ;)

Sister is coming back on Tuesday or maybe earlier if she succeeds in persuading her commander to allow her to come back. We'll be going back to dad's hometown in Seremban. I really hope I can go to the canto gang's houses for celebrations. It's all well planned already but I doubt that I'll be in Ipoh at that time. Teachers never fail to give a ton of homework when there's a holiday. And because I really want to have a great time without any distractions, I want to get those work done way before and that means I'll have to start like, right now and right here. Mod maths graphs are all laid out before me. I'm just too lazy to even start.

Pong's over. It's MSSD and I lost so terribly. What do I expect when I only play seriously once a year and that's during the competition? But since it's my last year representing the school, I decided to just go for it. I lost to a very mean looking Malay girl. I felt intimidated. By the way I went with a form 2 girl and she's nice. I still don't know her name though. And I proved someone wrong because no, I didn't ignore the girl like I always do to strangers. I saw familiar faces and I was shocked when I finally recognised a few people from training back in primary school. That really brought back memories. Chee brought us for lunch in Bercham before we headed back to school. We even wanted to go shopping at Jusco but even I think it's too much. I got back to school in time to do my peka. Oh thank god.

English oral's over. Drama oh drama. Who's the drama queen? We practised a couple of times in school and at Yinyeng's place. We ended up listening to music and eating homemade cookies. Anyway baby bear can finally vanish into thin air! I'm so happy. People might not have realised but we skipped quite some lines because of our nervousness. Oh god it's our last english oral so I'm kind of half sad and half glad. Now I can put that away and enjoy my CNY properly yay. Happy Chinese New Year to my dear stalkers!

I quote my darling, we can never go back and start again, but we can always start now and create a new ending <3

It's Time To Say Goodbye.

2011-01-18T16:30:00.001+08:00

I've had this in mind for longer than I can imagine. I have hope in everything, including the impossible. It's just that I finally got it clear, I lost hope in you. I remember promising to be a better person. Better in what way, I can't tell exactly. But in this case, instead of trying to convince you out of your never ending plans, I'll leave you to all of it. Instead of making you a person as angelic as nobody can imagine, I'll step out and watch. Instead of persuading you to be someone you're not, I'll shut up now. Instead of spilling my hatred towards you, I'll do whatever it takes to get over you. You're certainly one ungrateful creature. The memory of you doing exactly what hurts me most is fresh and vivid in my mind. No matter how hard I tried to get it erased, it's of no use at all. I'm annoyed of course because I can do absolutely nothing to help both you and I. Don't consider me as an unforgiving person because that's not true. I gave you your chances but you never failed to just let it slip away. You didn't appreciate. Be jealous, be competitive, tell your lies and keep everything to yourself. Do exactly what you're doing right now and I wish you luck. Keep your distance and I'll be more than happy. I sincerely thank you for once again reminding me that there is a dark side of the world and that there is at least one person who can't live without it. Leave me alone because I can't wait to leave you for good too.

Too Good To Be True.

2011-01-07T21:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we need to consider what other people are thinking. When I say this, I don't mean everything people think should be bothered because if that's the case, nobody is going to live their own lives. Instead, in certain situations or unexpected incidents, certain people get offended and are hurt deep in the heart just like the pain you feel when a knife cuts your finger before you realise it. The pain doesn't come immediately, but only after you think you're going to be fine, you see blood and pain comes later, slow and significant. Imagine yourself in her shoe and you definitely don't want the same thing to happen to you. You're not in the wrong, you're even at the advantage and that's all it takes to give you the courage to go against a person so strongly. Hatred shouldn't be shown that way, that's for sure and I really feel bad for her because I can do nothing to help. Given all the circumstances, I'm sure you are more cowardly than her to even face it by you and yourself only. I'm confident that you will go to people and seek help but no, she doesn't have that choice right now. Drastic changes happen but I don't expect you to be the person to start this unnecessary one.

First week of school is over in no time. There are already assignments and homework and the familiar feeling of school is back. I'm sure we'll be more than busy in a few weeks. I miss going to school with my sister and having her to take my things for me because she always leaves all her stuff in the classroom. So as I said, I'm still not getting used to this. I'm lucky to have distractions or else I'll be waiting for her to come back here quick all day. Parents called her in the afternoon and we took turns talking to her only through the phone. And yet all of us got so happy that we forgot the time we're occupying. I told her my school stuff and she talked about being there. It seems like it's really fun there. Boo people who got the opportunity but just ignored it like that. Unfortunate for them, it's better than she had first expected. It's amazing that within a week, we can see the obvious change already. She used to walk while fanning herself, complaining it's too hot everywhere and now when she spoke to mum on the phone, she said, 'Ma I can't talk. I need to go deal with the snake.' (: You know what, I cried after talking to her on the phone. No please don't tell her that unless she reads this because it's so embarrassing. I don't know why I cried but I just did. Sister love ;)

Mrs Yang Yo Seob.

2010-12-31T22:09:00.003+08:00

As much as I wish for 2010 to stay a tad longer, I'm looking forward to what 2011 has to offer. I'm trying to be a little dramatic that's why I haven't blogged in ages, I wanted to wait for the last day so that I can wrap things up for a bit. This year has been really eventful as compared to the previous years and I really liked that. There are ups and downs just like every year but I have a feeling this is just different. If you ask me specifically, I can't pinpoint but frankly I enjoyed the moments and I have bitter sweet memories to recall in the future. This is the apparent sweet sixteen plus honeymoon year. There is no doubt that my sixteen was indeed sweet because I remember spending it in Beijing with Chinese strangers and of course my family. I wouldn't agree that it's the honeymoon year though simply because honeymoon defines a totally different scenario for me. However, I'm glad to say I've survived through and so has everyone else. Life is not only about making choices, it's also about having the courage to move on to the next obstacles which are awaiting. Before I forget, the year after next is supposed to be the end of the world O.o

While I'm posting this I'm distracted by twitter and countdown on television. Live in Taipei and Taichung! There is the KBS Drama Awards tonight too! So no matter how hard I get convinced, I won't go to the Indera Mulia stadium to join the packed sardine crowd. Last night there was KBS festival and it's too awesome, seriously. All my favourite boy bands and groups. They are Super Junior, 2PM, 2AM, SHINee, Beast, UKiss and FT Island! It's great to see everyone in action, doing their best to make this year end festival a success. Yoseob singing It's My Life with Jonghyun, Changmin and Junsu was perfect. I personally liked CN Blue's performance. The way they started it was great. I spammed twitter with all these last night and I'm more than proud ;)

This holiday has been great for me. This is a break I certainly need after a hectic year. If I say all I did all this holiday is procrastinate, then I'm wrong because I don't care whether they're beneficial or not, I've done what I desired. For one, I watched all the movies I wanted to watch, either in the cinema or I bought pirated disc to watch at home. I'm good at being a couch potato you know. So after Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, I watched Rapunzel, Narnia, Tron Legacy, Gulliver's Travels, Meet The Parents: Little Fockers and the most recent one, The Tourist. I don't think I should do any review on these movies because that'll take up a whole lot of time and this is going to be beyond draggy. We bought several pirated DVDs in KL so I ended up watching Remember Me, The Lovely Bones, Talentime and more. Actually, I managed to spend time reading my novels too. That's one thing I really enjoy doing, especially during my free time. Besides going out for hangout and laze around at home, these novels occupied my time. I read Ordinary Ghosts, Princess, Daughters of Arabia, Safe Haven and My Sister's Keeper. Mayada is next!

I've washed my school bag and pencil box, cleaned up the huge mess in my room, sorted books out for my study table and finally put everything back to its place. I'll tidy my closet tomorrow. And yes, I did that all by myself. I told you I'll be all right without a maid. I've removed my nail polish and I'm going out tomorrow to hunt for school stuff which I'm going to need to use when school reopens. I'm all set for school. My sister is going off for NS on the 2nd, right before school starts. I'm not really thrilled at the idea because there'll be nobody for me to bug and go to school with me. I'll definitely miss all the Korean variety shows because she'll not be here to remind me to watch or to record it down because I'm not always aware about the time they're aired on TV. She'll be back by March and I really hope time passes fast until then.

Defying Gravity.

2010-12-11T11:18:00.001+08:00

These pictures are all on Facebook and they were taken quite a few days ago ;) Bring me to kbox again, anyone?

I'm back from breakfast out with aunt and sister. And now I have nothing to do. I'm bored. We were just saying that we can't really get contented with anything. When we have to go to school, we go on and on about longing for the holidays to come quick so that we can do whatever we want to the entire day. But now when it's here, I think I kind of miss school. At least there's a ton of people for me to bug.

I'm addicted to a song and this reminds me of things. I had a chance. There, a big fat one. But I was so useless and hopeless that I simply let it slip away from my hands. I knew what was happening and yet I couldn't be bothered to at least acknowledge the truth. Yes, I was living in total denial and all I can do now is look back and regret. Sadly, that's exactly what people don't do, or try very hard not to do. I have to say I regretted my words but I can't take it back anymore, can I? People say everyone deserves a second chance. I'd say I deserve one but the truth is, I don't. Even if I'm given a choice to start all over again, things just wouldn't be the same as before.

Nah, enough of rants. The only thing that I can look forward to is KL! Please memories, stop haunting me.

Teenage Dream.

2010-12-09T16:27:00.004+08:00

I have a feeling this is going to be a long picture post. So brace yourselves, for whatever reason (:

Everyone wants to know about the conference so I'll start with that. If you haven't known this, we're just back from the 42nd District Interact Conference. This is an annual thing and I've been attending for three consecutive years, including this recent one that I'm just back from. Actually it has been four days after the conference but I guess everyone's missing it already by now. If I were to compare this with last year's one or even the one we attended two years back, I have to say I'm a tad disappointed. So if you hear people saying this year's is awesome, imagine what we had for the previous years. And yes, I'll say I'm lucky for that. Anyway, why bother comparing right? The main reason I feel it's lacking enthusiasm is that the sessions held were too many, no doubt about that and to be frank, I was sleepy most of the time when it was going on. I think it was pretty obvious because all of us slept openly. Someone told us to do so (:

It was good getting to talk to random people from all over the country. Like during lunch when we were eating, a Kelantanese guy came sitting next to me. He's creepy and we couldn't stop laughing about him. He asked lots of questions and talked non stop with our rotarian advisor. You won't believe the conversation they had. The weirdest and the most hilarious one I've ever heard. I ended up drinking two glasses of water just because I wanted to stay and listen to what they had to say.

I like using the stairs although we're not allowed to because most of the time the lift won't work and I think that's because there are too many people. Plus I saw people whom I didn't really want to see O.o I really pity the hotel guests lol. We were so used to the route to our rooms that we even conveniently guided some guys to the third floor. I know right, we're brilliant.

800 people is a scary huge crowd. Especially when people started pushing around for photographs, you wouldn't really know whether you're standing on the ground. Hahah and during formal night, when the hall turned into something like a disco with people dancing madly, the sight was amazing so we just stood there and watched. It's a little different this year, we only got to wear our uniforms at the closing ceremony. And there was no role call for every school like they did last year. I don't think I should elaborate more. Just look at the pictures (:

It feels different without Joel shouting 'Ipoh Marli!' (:

Anyeong.

2010-12-02T23:14:00.001+08:00

It's December! I don't know why but everyone seems to be fussing about the obvious, I'm no exception. I guess it's the christmas month and I hope there's going to be lots of fun. At least I heard from mum that we're going to places but of course not out of Malaysia. I really want to get out of here, to Taiwan maybe? That's random but it's what I have in mind.

I think I haven't mentioned it here, that I passed my undang test! Almost everyone I know knows this already because I'm really proud that I did it although it's extremely easy, as expected because my sister said so. So my driving instructor sent me to the place where I took my test. Since I was the first one for the day, I had to wait. Those people there are useless. They just wouldn't talk and they expected me to know what they're thinking. If they were going to stare at me, I'll just stare back. I'm pretty good at it you know. I went into the room and I ended up waiting again because I didn't know what to do and nobody bothered to tell me too. Ignore my rant. Finally, I started and ended in around 15 minutes. I tried to waste some time there but I got annoyed a little so I went out and took my result slip. And I passed. Yay.

I haven't done a single homework for the holidays. Procrastination conquers. I can do nothing about it. I think there's a ton of Chemistry work and my Interact file to finish. Oh I almost forgot, I'm done copying sejarah before school ended (:

Tomorrow is the interact conference. We're staying at the Royale Bintang Hotel in Seremban for three days. I wonder if I'll see my aunt and uncle there. I think I've finished packing but I'm going to make a list now. I'm sure I missed out something. Last year was a very good example. I remember I forgot to bring school shoes and ended up knocking every door in our block to borrow them for the next morning. Larissa was kind enough to do me the favour.

I'll be back on Sunday and movie outings are already planned for days after this. Miss me (:

Who Else, If Not You?

2010-11-27T11:45:00.002+08:00

This is totally out of boredom. I'm waiting for Gumiho to load. I'm at the 8th episode! I really like the guy because he's so cute oh gosh. I didn't really like the girl at first but I think I'm okay with her now. At least prefer her to the other prettier girl who always fusses around with the guy. Oh, his real name is LeeSeunggi by the way. He used to be a singer but he's more into acting now, which is a really good thing. Wheeees. Before I forget, I finished Every Move You Make. It's that Lam Po Yi's drama about body languages and mind games. I was telling Kirsten about it in tuition. Oh well. It was really awesome too (: I started quite a while ago but I got stuck at like episode 11 (I think) because pps was not working so I changed to tudou instead. And it works fine. I mean, it loads fast enough. And that's more than enough for me. Yinyeng copied Playful Kiss into my pendrive but I still haven't watched it until now. I thought of finishing the 5 or 6 dramas I've started watching first. I'm proud to say I'm done with one that I enjoyed a lot.

Recent happenings? Nothing much to elaborate. Just that I've attended some Interact stuff. First one was the rotary meeting at Royal Ipoh Club and it was raining again! It's like going to Koh Samui. Every time we go to those two places it just has to rain, without fail. A day after that we went to DR park to clean up. I captured quite a number of pictures for the essays I'm going to write. (I also got tons of mosquitoes bites for the two days and I was frustrated like mad) I'm supposed to hand in the file on the 10th. That means I have to go back to school. Oh god. I think I better start working on the file already. The motivation to get it done just won't come and I've been procrastinating for the past few days (: I went for undang two days back with banana. It was boring lah, sitting there for 5 hours straight except for the short break. We're supposed to read a book and take the test anytime we want. I guess it'll be next week, before I go for the interact conference. Don't let me fail please, I don't really want to read the stuff all over again. Oh by the way, I saw Pei Shan there :D

We went to Black Canyon for dinner yesterday. I was really full that I couldn't take McD ice cream. Oh no, now I regret it. Sis bought 2AM's album and I bought Hebe's! Yay I'm so happy. You have no idea how long I haven't bought an album. I wanted to buy movies too but I don't think it's worth buying the original ones so I think I'll just wait for the pirated instead. I don't know why I like Hebe's song so much. I love the melodies and the lyrics and of course, her singing. I mean, I like everything about her but sis keeps saying her songs are boring, blah. Actually I wanted to buy Taylor Swift's Speak Now album also but again, sis said no. Now that I thought of it, why would I even listen to her? Maybe I'm not such a hardcore fan. Whatever.

By the way, I had ice cream for breakfast (:

All Over Again.

2010-11-20T18:49:00.002+08:00

Let me make this clear. I was happily enjoying my last day of school and people had to get in my way. There is not just one of them, a few at the very least. Just because I don't ignore you like other people do because for me, what everybody says can't be proven true until I witness what happens with my own eyes but I don't, that's why, that doesn't mean you can go overboard. Gossip is everywhere and some people choose to believe it while others don't. And I happen to be one of the other people. If you're not oblivious to this extent, I guess I won't be this frustrated. The thing is you don't know what is happening and you don't seem to bother to acknowledge the truth. This is exactly living in denial, something we always take as a joke. Actually it's funny somehow, I really don't know whether I should describe you as innocent or ignorant. Why don't you come to your senses and help me make the choice? Just because I don't join the big group to go against you, it doesn't mean that you can feel free to take advantage of me as you know I won't walk off on you for whatever you've done. You're wrong this time, I'm glad to say. I have the choice and you don't, mind you. I wonder if I will get mad one day and spill what everybody had said about you and you can return my favour by going far away from me.

Okay, cut the crap. Yesterday was the last day of school for the year. I guess nobody, including me of course, can believe the so called honeymoon year is over in no time. If this is what they call the honeymoon year, I don't really dare to imagine what's going to come next. But for now, I'll put that in the back of my mind for as long as I can manage to because I have plans for the holidays. As usual, it's the novels, dramas and movies and hopefully, vacations too. And that is going to be after my sister's SPM. By the way,best of luck to the fifth formers and the nightmare's going to be over soon (:

We watched Valentine's Day in the AVA room but the sound system was horrible so we went out to walk around the school. And we just went into the canteen and ate without realising it's not recess time yet. No wonder there's hardly anybody but who cares right. I ate and stopped and ate and stopped. But I didn't feel full at all. Pretty much spent the entire day in school that way and me likey (: Oh and and. Wailynn said she was in my class while we're busy pulling each other's shorts down our legs but for me, it's my baju kurung. Bad ah chau.

I went out and I'm back to continue this blog post while listening to All Over Again (: I guess old songs still rock the hardest. So I went out around 2 plus with mum to Andajaya to get sister's papers as Mr Lee said it's important. He's still cute lol. Then we went to Fatimah to listen to dad's talk on quitting smoking. I thought it was quite informative and I was texting Banana about Onew's finger trick while I half-heartedly listened to dad. We agreed that as long as he doesn't wink and bite his lower lip at the ending of every Hello performance, he's fine with us. Of course, Minho's still my favourite. No doubt he's the cutest and tallest and most good looking and the most charismatic one of all. How can Onew be the best looking one? It just doesn't make sense. By the way, I really liked yesterday's music bank on KBS! I love 2AM's two new songs (not really new but hey, it's still on music bank although Hoot still got the most votes and that is so not possible) which are You Wouldn't Answer My Call and Like Crazy. Initially I preferred Like Crazy but I like the other one more and more and it is my handphone ringtone now. Besides, I constantly open the music video Fung sent me in Viji's house and watch it. If you notice, there's a catch in the video. Something about the dates but whatever, because Seulong's acting in it is damn awesome and him crying makes me want to cry too, especially when Fung is shouting beside my ear.

Moving on about today, Dad wanted to go to Papparich to have tea and I didn't order anything because I told myself that between-meals are not allowed. I still had mum's red bean drink anyway and I guess I failed my own plan. The steam bread the both of them ordered tasted really good with the jam and butter. I've always liked the atmosphere there although people constantly say the food is lousy. But Katherine's dad's friend and she's the boss of the place. I have a feeling I've mentioned it here before.

The most important part of the post! It's Aaron's birthday today. I remember talking to Chiying about Fahrenheit since form one. We used to type the lyrics of the songs in their first album and bring the sheets of papers to school and sing until eventually almost the entire class knew about the awesome Taiwanese boy group. My classmates since form one until now should know I still like him as much as I used to four years back. People asked me to change my idol and yes I have a lot more now, mostly Korean boy bands but Aaron's still the one at the top of my list. It has been four years and I have to say I'm a really loyal and awesome fan. I'm jealous because he'll be celebrating with his fans in Taiwan by holding a mini concert. Yer imagine having him singing and playing the piano live. Happy 25th birthday once again (:

We're all going to aunt's place after having dinner. I can go indulge myself in my novel yay (: But shit. I haven't done any Interact stuff which my teacher told me to do on the very last day of school. Great, because I had no idea I'm supposed to do it all year long. Nobody bothered to tell me and I didn't know at all until Friday. I'll start tomorrow and probably curse my way through while doing the work. Ciao!

You Better Know.

2010-10-29T20:43:00.008+08:00

Yeah, exam's over. Last paper was accounts and it was surprisingly possible. I thought it was quite good compared to the others because at the very least, I finally know what is happening. Oh yeah I was thinking hard about what to do after exams. Storybooks, korean dramas and lots of sleep to make up to what I sacrificed during the exams. Anyway I'm glad that I survived and now the unbearable stress can go far far away from me. I even thought of what to blog about and I got tons of stuff but now I have none at all. Bad.

The fifth formers enjoyed themselves today. Apparently they're stressed up for SPM so they spent the whole day in school at the field flying kites, playing badminton and pong and whatever you can come up with. And I was busy looking at them and I saw my sistah! Playing badminton gosh, it's something I couldn't believe lol. And she's not with her fan acting bimbotic. Today's a friday! So it's a Tambun day I guess, we're going to stay the night at my aunt's. Yay this time I don't have to take my science books along with me. Urgh they're annoying.

Oh I heard it's Halloween this Sunday. I haven't known what day it is until everyone's asking whether I'm celebrating. No la duh. But I bet it'll be fun if we do, but we don't. I'm supposed to follow Chen Mun and Yin Yeng to Genting this monday. We're skipping school for it and we've discussed way before the exams until we got so excited that I totally forgot about my parents. At least let me have it in my dreams that they'll allow. Hmph. I don't remember going to Genting you know. Maybe when I was very little but not as I remember. And going with family means no roller coasters. I tried asking mum but I think I failed. I shall try again later on. I have to get it!

Okay I officially failed. I napped and went for bm tuition until I continue this post now. So mum said it's a no since I was asthmatic before and I can't take the risk to go with my friends without my dad around, plus the fact that I'm skipping school. Sorry, Chen Mun. I mean, I don't see anything wrong with skipping school when even my form teacher encouraged me to. I wasn't totally paying attention during bm just now. It's a little unbelievable that what I dreaded most is over. Gosh and there's no add maths tuition tonight, which adds on to the advantage. Yay.

Oh and. Ee Wei's asking me to go to Singapore with her. I'd love it but let's see. I don't see much hope so I don't have high expectations. This is what I get after being left behind, studying for exams when my parents went to Gold Coast, Australia for their holiday. It wasn't a planned holiday actually, but my dad had to attend a medical conference there so my mum tagged along and they ended up enjoying themselves by using the conference as an excuse, I think (: But at least they brought back lots of stuff like t shirts, chocolates, junks, lots and lots of videos and pictures and my brother's favourite boomerang. I really want to see it in action.

I need peace.

Tears.

2010-09-05T11:17:00.003+08:00

The second term holiday is here. For my school, it's not the planned ten-day holiday but an extended one, for almost two entire weeks. No matter what it is, this, which I had anticipated for too long has come. I don't really have many plans like most people do, because even if I do, those are not things I would prefer to do. It's not that I hate school, or I love being at home more than in school or maybe, I'm getting bored but I simply need a break. A break from what, I can't tell.

People said I've been emotional. I denied because I think it's untrue. But sometimes I'm tired of denying something people wouldn't believe no matter how hard I tried to keep them convinced, so I'd just joke it off and give in to the lie I'd started to believe. Then I was thinking, maybe you wouldn't understand because you aren't me. Well, excluding my accounts peeps, you don't stay up for the night at your tuition centre, trying so hard to get your accounts project done until you got your mum to call the teacher and only to realise that it wasn't that urgent after all. You wouldn't understand because you don't get home, feeling extremely exhausted and literally sick that you wanted nothing more than to hit the sack and that's when you realised you have a ton more to do. You wouldn't understand because you don't wake up the next morning, feeling worse than bad but you still have to get ready for school as there's a lot which is going to go on in school. You don't have the feeling of dreading to go to school so you wouldn't understand how things became worse when you brushed your teeth and realised your nose was bleeding.

It was my first time, seeing my nose bleed so I shouted for mum and she told me what to do. I sighed, not because I'm terrified that there's something wrong with me but I'm upset that why must unexpected things get in my way. I had to rush to school in a couple of minutes and this had to delay my time. My parents persuaded me to skip school but I couldn't and wouldn't. That's when I remembered I would be late for school if I didn't get up from that couch so I stood up immediately and found my nose starting to bleed like hell once again. I feel more than heaty but I could do nothing about it.

This is the beginning of my last day of school before the holiday started. You won't want to know more.

Right now, I think the best way to release emotions is to cry it out. That's why I cried when I let my brain wander so far away and found that the ending of the dream wasn't what I desired. I cried at the possibility of it becoming a reality. I cried at how things got against my wish. I cried when I couldn't bear with the truth that's going to happen anytime soon and I was not ready to face whatever it takes. I cried when people hurt me and cried more when there are people who actually made an effort to offer comfort and concern when they didn't actually have to do that for me. Sometimes I wonder, haven't they thought whether it's worth it? Because I don't deserve it, not even a tiny bit. The happiest part of crying is to have people to cry with you. The last time of crying that way was when I watched The Last Song. I still don't like Miley Cyrus although I have to say that she's pretty, in a way but I started crying somewhere in the middle of the movie until the very end of it. It's good to know people did the same and I was so excited to share it to people who did and at the same time, I was glad that this movie became an excuse to cry.

When I have the courage to spill it to you, just take it. Because when you regret, do you think I would care anymore?

Heartbroken.

2010-08-26T23:20:00.001+08:00

Coming to think of it, it's not always like that. It's not always about being rigid and stern and whatever which is similar to these. Forgive me for the lack of words right now, I have more to fuss about. I don't care that you're good in what you are by doing things this way but yes, I just can't get it. Not only that, I find it extremely annoying and selfish of you to do that to me. I'm not bitter about what you did and said to me but I actually blamed myself for even getting to know you in the first place. I know I've gained a lot of benefit but you know I know the hurt is much more vivid in my mind.

The wrong assumptions that you've made of me were totally unbearable. I'm not cowardly so I don't accept every criticism which is directed to me. It just isn't fair that way. It's not fair to me as you got all you wanted, to have your say. But what about me? I wanted to have a say as well, just to be fair and square. It's hardly even a request because it's already necessary. It's merely a wish that is hoped to be fulfilled. I totally understand the feeling of being accused of something I'm innocent about. It's contradictory that I have no idea at all of what you tried to express but you felt so confident that you're right about it. Is it even possible? Well, I doubt it.

These were my thoughts when I've had it with my piano teacher and when I walked into the toilet and cried for too long before I dashed into the room once again, but this time I took my scores and walked off on her. That was when I decided I had enough.

One Better Day.

2010-08-15T09:46:00.003+08:00

Hey guys.

I'm grateful that we can be considered free for the entire week. First, I finished add maths by the beginning of the week so when the rest were trying hard to get their work completed during our lessons, I was happily reading my storybook. I finished three chinese storybooks in a week and by that, you know what I meant when I mentioned free. Wait, not just that. Certain teachers were absent for several days so there's no piles and piles of never ending work for the precious weekend. But of course, whenever we had free periods, I'll be going around settling Interact stuff with my fab. I'm supposed to bring my camera tomorrow for the meeting. Shit.

Let's see how I spent my weekend. Tweetpeeps should know everything about it as I practically tweet about everything and anything. Yesterday was a Saturday and I went to Parade for movies, with my darling. We watched Salt and The Last Airbender.

Anyway, I prefer action movies like Salt to Airbender. But I have to admit that Airbender was also interesting, in a way and it's definitely not as boring as some say it is. Don't you realise, if you have watched it, that almost all actors are good looking? Seriously, that's the best part of it actually.

I was planning another movie outing with my other darling but I went to aunt's place at Tambun for a night and I left my phone at home. I'm going to text her now and check it out. The only few things I did at the apartment was finishing the last few pages of the book that I dreaded to finish, watching malay television programmes which were extremely boring and draggy and finally, around midnight, looking through some old pictures. Some are with me in them but I don't remember taking any of those. I see my grandparents too.

Ahhh, memories.

It's Time.

2010-08-05T23:17:00.004+08:00

I haven't been blogging since exams started so I kind of felt guilty. Here I am, trying to occupy my blog readers' time. At least I know there are quite a number of stalkers who constantly view my blog without me knowing. Mean people, I know. Anyway, four days of exams are over and I am more than just glad at the thought that I can come online more often now, even on weekdays like today. It is certainly something unusual that my mum allows me here.

Moving on, I have tons to do after today. Urm, accounts tuition work, school homework which I abandoned for quite a long time, my chinese storybook, Interact stuff, You're Beautiful ( I borrowed from Fung since forever, sorry :D), Salt, Sorcerer's Apprentice, Inception, Khuntoria WGM and finally, if possible, to get my speaker repaired.

I am sick since Monday I think, I still am right now. I had running nose first, then maybe a little fever, blocked nose later on, burning eyes and throat and my phlegm which annoys me the most. I coughed like someone so old that I could collapse anytime soon. That's why people seemed worried and asked whether I should go home during school. And that's the miss nicey Aswini. That is also the reason I had to bring chlorophyll to school and everyone started asking what it tasted like and why I wanted to be a plant so much -.- I lost my voice too. Some said I sound manly, some said sexy. I think I'll go for the sexy one. Then I don't mind losing it longer. Somehow it is fun.

Imagine having to study for exams and being sick at the same time. Life couldn't be more awful. I have no idea why I got sick, but this not only involves me. Instead, it's the falling sick period as tons of people are ill and skipped exams for days. Pity, I can understand the dread to go on for it.

The foursome is awesome.

I skipped piano for good and I'm just back from Physics. The unbearable guys behind, URGH. Anyway, I still have Chemistry and Sejarah work to be done by tomorrow but you know what, I'm gonna seek a victim to let me copy. Otherwise, what are friends for? (:

Girlfriends.

2010-07-10T22:09:00.000+08:00

Two outings in a busy week. Not bad huh. First was with Krystle and Ee Wei, we watched Knight and Day plus Toy Story 3. They're awesome. I personally prefer Knight and Day as it's not only an action movie, it's one with lots of humour too. Tom Cruise is never too old, I never get bored with his good looks. Toy Story was adorable, of course. It has a sad ending so why not give it a try?

Today I just went to Parade with the other Canto gang. We watched Eclipse, it's the one we anticipated since New Moon. Eclipse is so much more enjoyable, because the storyline emphasises a hell lot on the relationship between Jacob, Bella and Edward. Those who are against the Twilight Saga is missing a huge part of life :)

Fung and Sooktheng bought 5 Korean discs altogether. Can you imagine, no?

I'm Sorry.

2010-07-10T11:39:00.005+08:00

I didn't realise that I have been an awful person, until now that something reminded me of it.

Yes, I admit it, I am at fault.

I am always into first impressions and I can't help it.

I like, I compliment. I don't, I condemn.

Anticipation.

2010-07-03T22:07:00.001+08:00

I constantly tell people I'm a busy woman but people laugh it off. Come on, I'm serious.

Firstly, it's always homework which haunts me every day, even weekends. Like now, I'm left with Sejarah, Chemistry and Mod Maths. I'm going to get them done while watching Germany against Argentina later. But but, conflict is not even solved. I don't know which team to support. It's nothing obvious like Uruguay and South Korea please. It's dilemma, I guess? I spent almost the entire day copying accounts tuition notes and finally when I was done with it, I stuck to reading right afterwards, until we went eating out and to the apartment. It doesn't help at all.

Interact is busy. I have minutes to retype and photostat. And, IU Day's coming up, on the 17th of July. Anyone who sees this, please come. Despite the hurry to get things together, I have to believe it's gonna be real good. Installation and Farewell's coming up too. Everyone's gonna be busy for it. It's the new board that's going to prepare everything for the fifth formers. We have the list of things to do, and it seems never ending. Gosh.

I have this piano performance cum master class tomorrow at 1+, straight after accounts tuition. It's weird getting up so early on Sundays. Let's just hope it's really temporary. According to my piano teacher, this lady from the US is coming back tomorrow and a small crowd will hear us play. I'm the last for the day and it's going to end approximately at 3. I'm freaking out.

Movies. The Knight and Day, Toy Story 3, She's Out Of My League, The Backup Plan, A Team, Ip Man, Eclipse. That's about it I guess, but I desperately want to watch all of them, the quality doesn't matter much. Satisfaction is way more important for me. We planned to watch any one of them after report card's day but hey, it's the freaking day we're all fearful of. You know what.

I'm out.

Beyond Boundaries.

2010-07-02T23:07:00.003+08:00

Just in case you haven't known, I'm back from Beijing two weeks ago. I've heard tons about China. Some praised the place although they haven't been there and some just criticised it like the last thing they would do on earth is going back there. I heard a lot but they didn't affect my view on it.

The flight was on the 15th of June, at 12.20 midnight. That was when I first got my birthday cards and wishes. Oh I got my camera and other lovely presents from friends and family a few days before the day we took off. I was entirely sick of getting on the plane. It's 12 hours altogether! Imagine. I slept most of it off and I skipped meals because I was more than just giddy and unwell. Sister said it's boring sitting with me on the plane, the only thing I did was sleep. It's true.

Although the Chinese people constantly spit, smoke, push around and act kind of harsh, I still like them. As we all know, they speak different kind of mandarin. I got scolded a few times for not understanding them but I laughed it off. It's rare for me to do so but I think it's funny that they expect everyone to understand their slang, the Beijing slang. Miscommunication, I would say. I remember being in a cinema watching live acrobatic show and a guy who came out of nowhere bumped straight into me. I was cursing like mad as I just woke up from sleep again, after almost an hour of waiting. I shouldn't, I know. We all lost temper because of that but looking back to it now, I regretted it. But that's the only part so I thank god.

Food was great. We went to quite a few chinese restaurants for all our meals. Large portions, mostly salty, but just plain awesome.

I imagine tons of civilised people no matter where I go, a lot of tall buildings, great technologies and most important of all, chinese cultures that we can never see in other parts of the world. I'm not trying to exaggerate, but my dreams came true. I am not surprised but instead, impressed by everything of it. These are only a few of it and I'm not going to put these pictures up on facebook so enjoy.

I quote Banana, I'm proud to be a Chinese :)

Jaden Smith.

2010-06-13T00:11:00.001+08:00

I'll update a little of my current life before I fly off the day after tomorrow.

Happy birthday and sweet sixteen to all the awesome June babies! I'll not be here on these birthdays so yea. I'm always a good friend.

9th-Crystal.

12th-Ee wei.

13th-Elaine.

17th-Fung.

18th-Belle.

I'm missing rangers camp already. On the very first morning we went to SMI gathering which I thought would be disastrous initially. But you know what, it's surprisingly not. We enjoyed everything. Alright maybe not all but almost. We got so pissed off during signature hunt and everyone was begging not to play except the almighty Michelle Ng. I just didn't get it when the guys were happily running all over the school and the girls were running after them like mad chicks. Call me out or whatever but I think that's not as cool as you think it is. But of course, we managed to get quite a number of signatures for the sake of the teacher and I think it was okay after that. Pn Chew talked us into that. Thank god :)

Our marching was ahem. Quite good I guess. Miching is the iron guide of the year. Go iron fab! We left early because some idiot said something really stupid. I'm not even supposed to mention that part of the day but whatever. I got backache and headache after that. I was entirely exhausted for no apparent reason.

Second day was starwalk. Kar wei and I didn't finish the walk all thanks to her. Don't blame me as it's none of my fault. So we stopped at my place, had some rest and headed back to the stadium, then back to school. I have to blame camp for the incomplete walk. Once again, not my fault :D

Group 1 got the first of all. That's my group btw. We even won talentime gosh this is too much.

I still have tons of holiday homework. I think I'm going to chiying's place to get some to copy :D Waiyan gave Eewei the whole file of it please. I'll try to finish everything by tomorrow. Pray for me. Before I forget, thanks a lot to Viji, Fung, Kirst, Sharon, Tina and Andrea for the presents and wishes! That 5 minutes meant a lot, really. Loves.

That's about it. Ciao.

I ♥ Jaden Smith.

Paradise.

2010-06-04T15:05:00.006+08:00

After three full weeks of not onlining, I lost touch to typing. Gosh this is bad. I'll start with exams first. Everyone's bragging about it and yes, it's the most annoying thing that I have to go through. But you know what, thank god it's over and I survived! It's good news already. We started two weeks ago and we have only one subject a day. It lasted too long but we're all grateful that we could concentrate on only a subject a day. The best thing of all is, I skipped almost all tuitions during these days :)

Today's the last paper, which was civics and I think nobody gave a damn about it. Sejarah teacher even gave our papers back to us before civics and we ended up in chaos. People were begging for marks but I'm very happy with mine. I'm not that competitive la please so I don't bother getting the highest in class or blah. Oh we got add maths too. Mr Cheang passed the stack of papers to chiying and I to be distributed to the class. Oh crap this is only paper one anyway. He even asked where lavanniya is. He remembers her O.o Bad Faith freaking got 94 for add maths. Ms Leong showed me the text :)

We kind of walked around, got ourselves busy and chatted until the last bell. It was an awesome day.

During exams we kept going to Burger King and Papparich and Tutti Frutti for food. We're desperate. It was a coincidence to find out that papparich's owner is dad's friend and she spent us lunch there. I find it cool. We went once right after school and the food was pretty good. Milo dinosaur was cute. Everyone's talking about it. Burger king's crowded like mad and people are eating like there's no tomorrow. Well that's what we do too but yea go try it out.

It's the rangers camp tomorrow. Rangers are supposed to stay back until four to clean up and stuff but mum couldn't fetch twice so I told the teacher in charge. I have a sudden feeling of escaping the camp but I registered already. Sad right. After entire three weeks of stupid exams I'm totally exhausted. I need three whole days to sleep at least. Or online. SMI gathering's tomorrow also. Oh god spare me the crap. I'm lazy all of a sudden. I feel no excitement. The day after tomorrow we'll be having starwalk. It's getting worse you see? I need rest, seriously.

I want Beijing.

Nostalgia.

2010-05-01T20:47:00.002+08:00

Our choral speaking team got the first at district level again! The nervousness, excitement, cheer, applause, wave, lol. I'm quite looking forward to the state level competition. I wanna go Pahang! But that's the national level duh.

Sister and I were supposed to go to Anderson for Movie For A Cause but sadly, laziness took over. Sometimes I just want to stay home and be a useless couch potato. That happens pretty often actually, after every week of hectic life. I'm bored of it, sick of all of it. To make things worse, mid year exam is here. Not really actually but since everyone started bragging about it, it is. Can I just fastforward the exam part and skip to the holidays? My birthday.

(I had been thinking and thinking about the what ifs. I wish it hadn't been that way. In fact, I want it to be the opposite of what it is now. I'm not depressed, just simply sad. I want to go back to the past desperately, I want you.)

Wrists, Ankles and Collarbones.

2010-04-19T21:30:00.003+08:00

First of all, MGS's drama team emerged champion again at district level in ACS. I have to admit that the place seemed ancient and fragile but beautiful. The auditorium was the place we spent most of our time in. It was chilly with all air conditioners switched on, very comfy although I still couldn't get used to the seats. I brought everything except my cardigan. There were five teams altogether. MGS got the first, ACS's the first runner up and Gunung Rapat's the second runner up. I enjoyed it all a lot, including the performance of one of the bands there, The Strangers. They're geekily adorable and I stalked one of them on facebook O.o And and! I loved the guy who played the piano. He played and sang Two Is Better Than One and tons of Jay Chou's song. Adorable! I don't think I want a divorce with Suzenne anymore then.

After getting happy and all, Joey's mum gave us a ride to SMI. It's the IU Day, as everyone knows. It was our first time there so we sesated a little. I called Sin Yin and she guided us to the toilet. Saw quite a few people there, just standing and texting, practically doing nothing. Then many came and told me it was boring. But on facebook, si Miching said it was damn interesting. I didn't know which is right because after sitting in the hall with Chiying and Pn Komathy for awhile, we left. So we didn't play the games and watch the performances. I heard there was an awesome Michael Jackson dance O.o Once again, the whole world's there and I didn't bother looking for anybody. We went to Old Town to eat instead. Yay us.

I'm super glad that today's a holiday. I think we have school this Saturday booooooo. All I did today was having breakfast in Kopitiam, went lepaking at the clinic, napped and went walking at pologround. Even the eating out plan didn't work, as always.

Anyway here's a few pictures of us recently, just to make this a little more alive.

Kirst's sweet sixteen surprise party. See the pretty one wearing pink? That's her. I have to get back to my Shiver now. Ciao.

Choral Speaking, Pesta Ria, Surprise Party, Me.

2010-04-11T23:06:00.001+08:00

Quite a lot of happenings worth remembering all in this particular week.

Choral speaking.

We practised day and night for it. We skipped lots of school lessons and stayed back as well. So much effort put in it and it did pay off. Thank god for that. Well we have teams from AMC, MC, SMI, Anderson and Seri Intan. It started at 2pm. We got all nervous and started freaking out but there's hardly time for those. Before realising, we were all on stage and got the loudest cheer of all. That helped a lot, seriously. Anyway, I still can't get the moment when they announced us champion out of my mind. We shouted like a bunch of happy fools, we actually sang the school song too, very proudly unlike normal school days. It was a day to remember.

Pesta Ria.

The preparations took forever. The best part was that we need not attend classes. We ended up baking stuff for KH club, out of extreme boredom for almost a week. I don't regret not joining KH club, for some reasons I think I shouldn't reveal. I just couldn't tahan certain people acting bossy and stuff. So of course, Interact is a better choice, way way better. Yesterday was the day. I worked from 7 something in the morning when I just reached school until 11 plus. Then we went around finishing the coupons and I think I accidentally donated 20 bucks to our class. At that time, nothing like this mattered. So yea I owed a few of them coupons. I came back to the stall and sold and promoted stuff from 1 to 3 something again until we headed home. Damn exhausted by the time I got home. People got lost going around promoting our food too. Too bad I couldn't stay for the cleaning up part, I feel sorry.

The 5S2 maze was lame but fun, fun to laugh at, to be really exact. 3 Hornbillian's was slightly better, although the ghosts weren't scary at all. They got scared by us instead. Oh and. I saw almost the whole world there. Almost everyone I know or I have seen. Familiar faces everywhere. When we went up to the staffroom to get our tins emptied, although we didn't at last, we saw the crowd from upstairs. Amazing crowd. I think it's not as cramped up as the 2007 one but the sales were better. Much much better, thank god for that.

The yellow blue people rocked so hard! Harder than Avatar la duh.

Surprise party for Kirsten.

I just came back from the surprise party an hour ago. It was very fun! Planned all the surprise and it turned out very well. It was in David's Diner. The food was not bad and very filling, the waiters were nice, the place was a little gloomy and the music was very good. We said that's a good place for lovers to spend time in. So everyone arrived before Kirst. When she came in she was angry and surprised and confused all at the same time. You should've seen her expression. It's worth too much. Had the cake ceremony, gossiping session and camwhoring session of course. I really hope it's a great advanced party for you, Kirsten :)

There's school tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to it, except for choral speaking practices and drama competition in AMC. Let's pray to god and hope for the best.

The Day.

2010-04-03T14:05:00.001+08:00

Well it was the April Fool's day.

People got pranked on and fooled, not an exception here. Plus, it was the sister's birthday. So we all skipped tuitions to go for a tiny celebration in Bercham, one of the most awesome seafood restaurants, with lousy name but heavenly food. Reached home and cut birthday cake straightaway. I was like what nonsense. Anyway I missed that part because I was way too bloated already. We watched April Fool's too, a movie fyi. Too many climaxes and the storyline was very unexpected. It was okay, Blaine Cartier in it was very good looking. Nice one but weird, in a way. With just an expression in the end, the entire story went the opposite of what it was in the beginning.

Yesterday, 2nd of April.

Ezrin's birthday. I wished her a happy advanced birthday already earlier, glad about that because I don't think I saw her yesterday. I'm supposed to go to amc's co concert but I went for add maths tuition instead. Jo Ee was there too and surprisingly the time passed way faster than usual. I was still struggling about functions though, not that it's tough but I got confused. My bad. I didn't want to go for tuition at first but since nobody bothered to inform Ms Leong about us skipping the tuition mum said I had to go. I think that's right too, long after what mum said. I was holding the ticket and there was no way to return it, apparently. It didn't matter anyway, look what's more important. Only at the last minute everybody wanted to call the teacher but since mum hated last minutes things a lot, she insisted on what she said earlier. So I had nothing better to do than listen.

I was at Jack's, doing hair treatment and a little bit of trimming. I have oily scalp, that's why, I guess. Anyway, supposed to go for pong at Banana's. Agreed at first but nobody said anything about it later until the very very last minute, again. I was annoyed so it was cancelled as well. Oh talking about pong. I'm forced to join pong competition again. Oh the horror. Alright common sense la. There are five fifth formers who are willing to join. Why not save the trouble and let them make their last year worth remembering. And no, I'm not even considered to be the reserve. It's a must, she said. Grrr imagine the humiliation and embarrassment. We had zero practice, zero stamina, zero skill.

Moving on, I witnessed too much drama lately. I gossiped about lots of people too, seriously. I feel bad, very bad, until now. But but I can't help it. The bad side took over. We talked about people who faked themselves totally. Look here's the thing. A group of people, including me talked about how bitchy that person can be. And another group of us, including me again, talked about that person who brought the first gossip up. It went on like that, on and on. I'm disgusted. I'm sure people would talk about me that way too, if I do so myself. However, I can't be bothered because as far as I know, there's nothing like that, at least I know nothing about it.

Friends are said to backstab one another. But why. Oh please this is not Gossip Girl or 90210 or any crappy drama series! They're nice to watch, good to laugh at, but certainly not wanted in real life. I learned the evilness in human beings, the beauty people constantly show but the rotten heart inside which will eventually eat them up. You call people two headed snakes but you're one yourself. Sadly, that applies to a lot of people whom I talked to for the past few weeks.

Reminiscences.

I remember the time when we used to be close. We used to, but not anymore. I still ignore you all of a sudden because I can't help but think of what you've done. Why spend so much time and effort keeping everything a secret from me? You think I don't know a thing and that I'm ignorant but you're the one, to be really frank. I know everything from everyone because in case you don't know, people think we're friends. They tend to tell me everything they assume I would know, which of course, I don't. I pretend to be a know-it-all about you and you know why? I don't want people to say you're such a bad friend. A selfish, well-planned but sly friend. As long as I know what type of person you are behind your covers and masks, that's more than enough.

I remember the time when you were down and I cried alone for you. People turned their backs to you and you were looking innocent, asking me what had happened. It's all because of what you've done that was revealed, you fool. I wanted to spill it all straight into your face which I think is annoying but of course, I held that back. I told you it's nothing and I was being defensive of you in front of those people. Everything I've done vanished into thin air. I'm not expecting gratitude from you. I know very well that you won't have such thing in your heart. All in that black heart of yours are evil plans and secrets which only benefit yourself.

I've had enough.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm nowhere better to critisize people but that's the cruel truth. I saw all of it myself so there's nothing to argue about. People, I think we should all get a life.

Disastrous.

2010-03-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

Just a short update about recent life.

It has been quite busy for me, but of course not as busy as the others in class, I know I shouldn't be complaining then. I've totally lost touch to blogging and that's why this may seem pretty weird. Oh whatever.

Oral tests. I've done my english one but bm's coming up, it's next week. He'll pick people randomly and that's what I hate most. We're not given the opportunity to be prepared for the doom day. Grr. English was quite alright I guess, I stumbled on a few words in the beginning but nobody mentioned it. I'm glad that it's ignored and Helena actually managed to say a few good things about my oral (thank god!) but of course, the bad ones too. It's still an A so I'm contented. And Elaine's so cute!

April will be a busy month for everybody, like seriously. There's our Pesta Ria. Despite the ban of ghost houses, I think it'll be fun. I'm trying very hard to convince myself that. Not only that of course, there's this drama competition which came up out of nowhere. The costumes which I saw, worn by the awesome actresses are awesomely cool and I think the cheesy bitch will do her very best. It's apparently interesting and I hope it really is. I don't care I just wanna watch it somehow.

Then there's choral speaking competition coming up too. Today was a sad day. People were chosen for reserves. I'm in the team, but I felt like crying badly in school. I'm lucky that something distracted me from doing that. I'm no cry baby alright.

I completely can't understand it when teachers were actually talking to us about the mid year exam already. Hello? Piawai was only a week ago. I tend to slack a lot after every exam as I think I deserve a rest. This is no exception. I was happily indulging myself in things I like to do during my free time instead of studying but these people seriously potong stim betul. By the way, I got a C for moral. I know I'm great, I just know it.

We're going to the Taiping Zoo and herbs garden tomorrow for civics project. (I didn't know before this that Taiping Zoo's the biggest zoo in Malaysia. Lol.) I'm going to pack in a few minutes and head to bed.

So long.

I Hate Being Cheesy.

2010-02-28T17:26:00.007+08:00

Heal the pain :)

An Expected Escape.

2010-02-21T21:44:00.010+08:00

The one week I was longing for is going to end in less than a day! I want more of it, no doubt. I had fun even though I was doing nothing at all, what more visiting relatives, travelling back to dad's hometown and eating out almost every day. Despite all those distractions, I was a being a good girl by completing unfinished pile of work bit by bit, whenever I was free. I think I have done everything by now, I'm just hoping there's nothing which is left out. Sad to say school's starting very soon. It's not that I hate school but I enjoy my leisure time more.

We stayed in Klana Resort this year, like what we've been doing for the past few years. We went back to grandma's house quite often, to eat and pray and laze around. Thank goodness we brought dad's laptop this year so everyone got to take turns to use it. After the reunion dinner which was on the day we went down, we got hungry right after reaching the hotel so as usual, we ordered room service. Two plates of fried rice, one Kampung, one Yong Chow and a can of coke. They cost a lot but we enjoyed them more. Too bad brother was sleeping already so he missed the heavenly food.

Let the pictures do the talking eh?

We three received tons of red packets actually, but I want moreeeeeee. I got quite a few before chinese new year and I'm still getting them, even today. My first red packet was from my mum and guess what. Sister kind of forced her to give us the Fahrenheit ones! We were damn happy and excited what turf.

Azmi took these for us. He was promoted and he's now the most outstanding employee. C-O-O-L.

Hmm I think we look alike.

The second plate of yu sang out of the three we had!

In case you don't know, we had guests!
Okay la the picture right above was taken in the clinic. Those are clinic staff.

And I went to Chen Mun's house! We were just chatting in school and we came up with this idea. Si Chi Ying suggested that we wear baju kurung during CNY. Ironic, I know but guess what, Najlaa really brought them! I'm always very amazed with the 1 Malaysia spirit and look, we were cooperative enough to make the pictures seem quite decent.

Credits to Chen Mun's brother, the photographer of the day. If I'm not wrong, his name is Chun Wei.

This is not her brother though. He's Bi, uber adorable.

An abrupt end of pictures. It's me missing you. For more pictures, go HERE.

Oh by the way, Baby's official music video is out! I saw Justin's tweet and watched it right away! Oh gosh you just have to watch it although I prefer it if you don't. I want him so badly. He's so cute what turf. Can't believe that some dumbass people couldn't even differenciate his gender what turf. Sooooo foolish, better shut up right. How could any girl resist him la please. It'll only happen in the music video. Here's the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4
Don't ask why I don't post the video here. I'm not being inefficient, there's a reason.

The escape, failed terribly.

What Turf.

2010-02-14T18:27:00.002+08:00

Hey readers! I'm blogging from Seremban using dad's laptop (He doesn't allow us to use his usually and I thank god for the exception) and I'm excited about CNY like all of you are. I just checked my twitter and realised Cheesie is in Seremban too! I am wondering whether we should go meet her. She just tweeted that she got recognised by a Seremban reader with her mismatching clothes and zero makeup on. I would prefer seeing her with her glamorous look so that I have a chance to compliment.

We had a small reunion dinner at grandma's house, there's another dinner tonight, in Allson hotel (Klana Resort) which we're staying in right now. I still like Venetian in Macau the most. But but, I know I shouldn't make comparisons like this one, never mind. It's a brand new (chinese) year again but I'm not going to make any resolutions anymore because as I've mentioned, the resolutions I made when it was the first day of 2010 still didn't work. I'm a busy woman you know. One year passed so quickly that I could still recall the exact same routine which we've been through last year so vividly. I miss the moments.

I'm so going to wear a red dress tonight, with or without skinny jeans and heels! I felt a tad guilty about wearing black this morning. And and. We took several pictures together, dad even suggested to make one a family portrait. So sorry but this is still a non-picture post because I'll only upload them when I'm back home, after settling down and when I'm too free.

(I can't not admit that Tumblr is cute although you know I hate to have to say this. So try it if you want to.)

Gotta go get changed now!

A Pleasant Surprise.

2010-02-12T23:13:00.001+08:00

What a week, a much better one, obviously.

I'm just back from BM and Add Maths tuition. Continuous 4 hours of tuition almost left me dead. I was stinky, oily, dirty, sleepy and hungry! I practically could do nothing until I was back. Just a few seconds ago I had my awesome long cold shower and right now I'm feeling a million times better.

I'm so in the CNY mood! I miss being a couch potato. Imagine an entire week without homework and assignments. It's heaven for me. I'm excited about travelling back to Seremban(most probably), going to friends' and teachers' places and most importantly, receiving tons of red packets! It has been so long since my house was loaded with food either given by parents' friends, relatives or patients. I don't have to starve but the thing is, I don't know what to begin with. I don't want to get fat. Let's hope I'll get pictures throughout CNY so that this blog will be packed with them once again, and not as boring as it is now.

I'm gonna continue with my work now. There's chem, bio, physics and mod maths to be done. At least I don't have to worry about being too free and feel guilty all over again. Anyway, I'll update this as soon as there are happenings. Till then, miss me and I'll do the same.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Wo Hao Xiang Ni.

2010-02-07T21:02:00.002+08:00

Just a short update.

Ring Ding Dong.

To be really honest, I've watched SHINee singing this for more than a zillion times on Music Bank as it will somehow be recorded by the sister who is obviously their hardcore fan, but I haven't seen the MV! This is the first time and I'm impressed. My Jonghyun.

It's hard to believe but I actually planned to do Add Maths while onlining and it's still there undone. I failed my plan badly and I'm guilty. Lol. To make up to myself, I'll go off now. That's all for the week which I've survived through for now, I thank god for that.

Till then, so long.

Hallucination? It's My Thang.

2010-02-05T21:07:00.004+08:00

I'm half dead by now.

Things have been really sad, especially towards the end of the week.

I'm not gonna mention them anyway so yeah, just bear with me alright.

I was suddenly very tired and sick of everything earlier today in school.

The packed schedule and several unbearable people around just for the sake of making things worse are suffocating me.

Despite forever enthusiastic people all around, I still feel the same way.

I know I'm the odd one out.

Sometimes I just want to have my beauty sleep and dream of the best possibility.

I need space.

I want the past badly.

I am desperate right now.

I officially need help. Any kind offers?

Ignorance in you and me.

I loathe me, I don't loathe you, no worries.

I hate being what I am now, totally oblivious to the surroundings.

I look at you but I don't see you.

I hear you but I don't listen to you.

Heartache.

Literal translation from my oh so lousy canto.

I want my jungle home.

I want my monkeys.

I remember telling Aswini about my jungle home in school.

She told Shekinah and I have no idea how Keertana knew about it too.

Instead of complimenting, they made fun of it.

They finally said,

Jungle sweet jungle.

Cute peeps.

You should know I'm sad inside out even though my eyes don't tear.

Baby Baby.

2010-01-31T15:47:00.001+08:00

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line.

So. I went for Mamma Mia yesterday night with Faith. I have to say the night, including the food and the musical was pretty good. I adore Rujing's facial expressions and Pei Xuan's poses of hands very much, they're just plain funny. The actors and actresses made me want to watch the original Mamma Mia musical which I haven't. There were so many people whom I know or used to know like my ex schoolmates, Mrs Lee, teachers and finally, Sin Yee and gang. Anyway it was great to meet up with Jo Ee, Collen, Tze Yin, May Li and Shu Wei again after so long.

The three of us came back at around 11+ and I was surprisingly hardworking. I finished Mod Maths and Add Maths and something I couldn't believe myself, which was me reading Memori Seorang Tua and Israk. I somehow find Harga Remaja interesting so I think I'm gonna continue reading the rest tonight. I mean, until my eyes can't open any longer. Oh I still have Physics to be done. Damn.

I'm still not very happy about parents and brother going out for CNY shopping while we're at the Florex Restaurant. So we kind of went for some shopping just now. We went to Parade and Ipoh Garden South but bought nothing much. Probably going out to Jusco tonight if I choose not to go to stadium. But Yoga will be singing. Hmm, dilemma.

Last thing, it's Baby by Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris. Besides staring at my Justin's face, look at the fluffy ball on the hat too. So cute lor. And the last part, ridiculous!

XOXO.

I Love You, You Love Me, We Are A Happy Family.

2010-01-29T21:41:00.001+08:00

I wanted to blog right after school but I had my nap instead and headed straight to bm tuition. I was back approximately two hours ago and finally, here I am (blogging while tweeting while bloghopping while listening to All About You by McFly and Baby by Justin Bieber while chatting with people in msn). I'm such a multi tasker. Phew.

We had cross country this morning in the school compound. Ridiculous? Absolutely. We half ran and half jogged and half walked when necessary. Actually we only ran when we passed by Pn Komathy as she was busy cheering for Cavell. We didn't want to disappoint her that's why. Everyone called me a traitor just because I was wearing Nightingale shirt. Isn't it too obvious already that I don't look like one? Lol.

Life is like what I've been mentioning in the previous posts. Every day is about school, tuitions, marching practices after school, house sports practices and never ending homework. The amount has never decreased but it's a little more bearable now. I mean, I'm kind of used to it although I still can't stop ranting and complaining. What to do la right, we always demand more. Typical human beings we are. No denying.

Oh damn it I still have Mod Maths and Add Maths to be done. I'll finish at least one of them tonight, most probably Mod Maths. I'm now searching on google about sejarah stuff which is needed for the sejarah corner by Monday. Ma farn lor. Because of these things I have to complete, I actually missed Ladies First! And 100% Entertainment is half over now. Shit. Fyi these are Taiwanese talk shows. Uber useless but entertaining, which is what I need most right now.

We're having Pesta Ria on the 10th of April. Everyone must come although no ghost houses are allowed!

Oh and. I'm going for Mamma Mia tomorrow night. I'm such a good friend.

I'm out.

Enthusiasm Fades.

2010-01-23T18:12:00.003+08:00

...before it affords to come upon.

Life has been really hectic. Tons of homework, tuitions on every weekday(not to mention tuition marathons), staybacks for house practices and rangers marching, I hardly have time to rest. Even now, I'm not totally relaxed because loads of work are awaiting me, like immediately. But in a way, it is quite fun, having the opportunity to complain that I'm really really exhausted before I go to bed every night. I have aches everywhere now I don't know why, in fact there are more bruises after I fell down a couple of days ago because of the stupid slippery mat before the door. I blame it for that.

School. I'm very lazy compared to the others, seriously. I don't understand how they find so much time completing everything maybe in a few minutes, just between periods. I'm actually sad that I'm not at all influenced by their working mode. I think I can only rely on my weekends to finish things up because these two days are the only days I'm free. So I've decided to do as planned. Let's see if it works. Moving on to teachers. Some of them are pleasantly harmless while some are awfully scary(for me), especially when I'm sitting right in front. When one requests for absolute silence, it only will work on the few pathetic us so thank us, thank you.

I don't get it when everyone denies my handwriting is not as nice as I always insist it is, but people were asking me to go up front to write on the blackboard when the teachers requested these few days. Since I'm so kind, I'm willing to do that but it'll only prove everyone's point right because my handwriting on the blackboard is terribly hideous and this time, it's a proven fact. Booo. So readers who happen to be my classmates, you know what.

(Aunt and uncle just brought grandma over from KL. We went to Kao Lee for lunch right after school and the dim sum there is seriously heavenly. Chee cheong fun with char siew is still my favourite of all. It's a must to try alright. It's a sudden thing I had in mind a few seconds ago because my stomach is pretty empty now.)

Moving on, I've been exposed to a lot of horny jokes lately or in a better way of saying it, blue jokes. Not only in tuitions, but even in school. Omfg people enjoy them so much. Teachers seem to think I don't get the jokes and one of them just accused me of not understanding it but that's so not true. What a lie, a very unsuccessful and not convincing one. Hmph. It's actually just simply because the funny thing is about how horny that person can be, not how horny the joke that person can tell. Please, I know you cannot agree more.

Gonna watch Woohoo with Fung and others but they are all busy women nowadays. Howwwwwwwww. Tell me if you want to join us alright? I shall stop now although I don't want to but sadly, I'm busy with something else. I'll watch a few of Cheesie's videos and head back to my piles and piles of never ending work. Wish me luck and god bless.

(I'm more than just happy to see you twice a week.)

Take Everything Away, I Deserve Nothing.

2010-01-08T15:34:00.004+08:00

I'm sick of being allowed to come online only during weekends but I can do nothing about it but to stick to the usual routine. Anyway, first thing's first. School!

It didn't feel good when I missed the moment when teachers were getting us into different classes and when our names were announced. Sorry to say but I think we were busy talking/laughing that almost everyone but me heard my name. Anyway I was so blur until my darling came to me. Before I forget, I didn't like it when everybody was staring blankly at the oh so pitiful me. (Si Fung should've been more concerned instead of sarcastic. Hmph!)

So. We're officially in 4S1 since yesterday. Some of the ex Heronians left for other packages while others remained and the rest joined in. I find some of them really cute and I shall not comment on the others. See, I'm trying very hard to be as nice as possible already right? Absolutely. And and, some of the teachers are really scary. The way they introduce themselves/brief us about the way they're gonna work with us for the entire year freaked me out, really. All I can do is to pray that I'll not be a pathetic victim one day.

Highlight of the first week in school was of course the performance by the Koreans! Oh god it's serious talking here that everyone got really high. We cheered, chased after them, attempted to stalk on them, took a peek on them from our classroom upstairs and of course, comparing them with our Korean idols. Two of them are ridiculously popular and all of us thought they're our favourites because they're the most good looking ones of all, minus the fact that they can play various instruments perfectly well. Not to sound biased, I spotted a pretty girl whom I like too. The best part was that we prepared food for them! Pn Pung asked a few of us to arrange food and drinks before their performances. We refused at first, but changed our minds as we know we're actually preparing stuff for the hot people! Even by thinking of it now, I get high!

(Listen to my heartbeat, it's beating for you)

One Last Post Before 2010!

2009-12-31T22:46:00.000+08:00

Oops. I thought I was not going to post anything here until 2010 comes but try looking at the title with the exclamation mark after it, I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm excited! After attempting to make the previous post so sad by allowing great memories to flash back, knowing I couldn't do anything but let them go, I decided that 2010 will definitely be a new, great start to everything. Therefore, it's actually an opportunity to dump what I hate and be the person I always wanna be. Hmm, it makes sense aye?

These are my new year resolutions! (Not very relevant though)

#1 Get an aim for everything.

I don't usually have aims and goals that's why you see my failures. They don't happen always, but enough to humiliate me. I don't know why, I just tend to take everything for granted which I know is something ought to be gotten rid of. Gah, it's not as simple as you think it is. So please, bear with me.

#2 What else besides studies?

I really don't wanna elaborate on this but go here
and you'll know all about it. She said that form 3 and 4 are totally different and that it's life changing. I have no idea whether she's exaggerating so you make your choice to believe her or not. But but, I'm obviously freaking out.

#3 Eat more but lose weight.

That's rather impossible but that's what I want. When you ask for a girl's new year resolution there has to be something to do with weight, fat and food. I'm a girl, so forgive me.

#4 Travel as often as possible.

It's finally not a major exam year and we all just have to enjoy it to the max right. Actually I wanna go everywhere, preferably KL! I don't know why but I think I miss the place by now already. I miss the shopping, the awesome malls, the oh so heavenly food seen everywhere possible, the crowd even on the roads and last but not least, the hotel (J.W. Marriott). Plus, why do you think I want a camera for?

#5 Play games.

I think what I write now is somehow familiar, maybe I've posted it a few weeks/months back. I don't wanna get flabby. I'll play whatever game as long as it is one, even playing pong with my brother counts. I know I have useless stamina and I don't see potential in myself too but I'll still try. I think this is called stubborn in a good way.

#6 Try in any way possible, to get something as my present!

Everyone but me is getting something as a reward. I pity myself for this. Parents don't intend to give me anything it seems. I don't care, I'll bug them non stop until they got sick of me and they'll grant my wish to keep my mouth shut. I've mentioned up there, I want a camera.

I'm not a greedy person plus the fact that I'm not even very sure that I can do these 6 things above, so I'll stop here.

Happy new year!

Bye 2009.

2009-12-30T18:18:00.004+08:00

I was considering which to choose for the title: Bye 2009/Hello 2010. After some so called contemplation, I decided to make things sad and at the same time, to make myself contented enough about 2009 that I'll willingly let it go. Not that I can choose not to move on, but I have my angle of view to it.

Overall, I have to say this year has been great. Of course there are things worth remembering and some to forget just for the sake of moving on. Actually, I hate moving on. When it's something so perfect that you think it's too good in reality, you still have to get it over with and look forward to more, mostly not as satisfying. But you can't hold on to that memory alone and that's why time eventually helps you in forgetting it entirely. However, when it's a total nightmare, you desperately want to move on and that's when the hurt you received don't allow you to do so, at least not so quickly.

I remember the first day of school. I was so happy in school until the school bell rang. My mood was ruined and I cried. Hey it's the first day of school and everyone didn't know except my family but I bet they have forgotten about it by now. I shall not mention how and why.

It was the beginning of the year and I just had to get humiliated. I think I made a big fuss about this but I'm still hoping nobody remembers because I'm gonna mention it again, right now. It was the table tennis competition where we met old players we have played against when we were having lessons at Chung Ling. They were initially mean people, but I heard that they're not like that anymore. Who cares, since I'm definitely not going back to that kind of place again. In fact, we still want to learn the game just for fun, but we need a new coach (preferably a private one) and a new place to play in. I doubt that'll happen but I'll still look forward to it.

I wouldn't say my memory is incredibly good, so for now, the next day to remember is my birthday! It was on the 15th of June and it was the first day after a short holiday. As usual, I didn't expect anyone to remember but people still did, although some were reminded by others, I don't care. When I got to school I got wishes by loads of people, mostly my classmates and some shy friends of mine just placed presents at my place and waited for me to see it myself. I got presents from many unexpected people too and that's what made me happy on my day. I appreciate it.

I think it was in August when we went to Sarawak. Once again, we went there to support my brother for his tennis tournament but I'm glad that we have Sarawak to spend our holidays in. It's an incredibly amazing place and we got to go around the place, experience new stuff that I've not seen in the past 14 years. At the same time, I knew something that I shouldn't know and I would choose not to know, but I'm smart enough to ignore it. I'm great!

In no time, trial exam and PMR were here. I remember getting myself all stressed up and I couldn't really concentrate on anything possible because fear occured anytime, anywhere that it really pissed me off. I wanted the best I hoped for so badly that I broke down several times like some of my friends did. I guess that's normal and I thank people who tried to convince me that I'll do great. The worst thing is that people had high expectations and I think it's embarrassing if I had to let them down. See, everything I thought of was negative. I'd like to cut a bit of unnecessary craps here, because I finally got what I wanted. I still can't imagine how I would react if I didn't get what I longed for, I think that's something I should learn too as I know not everything will go on so smoothly everytime.

After all those, it's now. There are two days left until 2010 and to be really frank, I'm not really looking forward to it. I don't know what to expect and what to not. Most people will say it's a honeymoon year but after what my sister had been through, it doesn't seem so to me. I hate it when people say they'd rather go back to the form 3 year, apparently the stress wasn't as much as what they're struggling to handle now.

I want 2010 to be a better year.

A Huge Relief!

2009-12-24T18:51:00.000+08:00

I was nervous like every other form 3 student out there. Everytime I think of it, I'd have nightmares. Being a fool, I tried to do everything that'll distract me from thinking about it, it's just too scary to look forward to. I reached school with my entire family, thank god I saw my friends. By then, we were not that nervous anymore, we just had to pray for the best. I felt much better with them around, especially some jokers. I didn't have the chance to talk to everyone as the whole Chinese gang disappeared until I was on the way back home. Anyway, I still talked to many people including people's parents and teachers, congratulated them and there were hugs everywhere. I was happy.

View my twitter profile, you'll see that I was so relieved that I wanna strangle someone. Don't take that seriously please. Now that I don't have to get all sad and scared when I think of it even when I'm happy, I'll spill everything about the KL trip as well. It was fun but still, I had insomnia thinking and thinking what is going to happen. I don't want that feeling anymore, damn it.

I'm definitely that sleeping person in the background.

I was sleeping again while sister was busy texting.

Brother.

Look at the guy behind us. Quite hot right.

Mum and dad.

Pavilion. Guess what. I saw Nicholas Teo! He was wearing a cap and spectacles, holding some bags with a plump girl behind him. I think she's his assistant. God I was so excited. Then we stalked on him but he disappeared really quickly.

I love the crowd, I love KL.

Food court.

We were shocked to see the crowd. After awhile Suzenne texted me that there's a snowing session at Pavilion at 8pm every day. It's even in the Star.

I hope you can see the snow flakes.

I love love love this busy city.

Taking a picture while waiting for the traffic light.

Brother's teammates from Perak. They went for a tennis tournament in KL too so we spent some time at the tennis court.

As a proof that we saw Momo Love cast, we took a picture! I have to thank my blog for this. Suzenne said she viewed my blog and she knew I was in KL. Coincidentally she was in KL too, so she asked whether I wanna join her to see the hot guys. I watch Momo Love so of course I wanna join her, plus the fact that my friends will be jealous because they claimed they like the guys too. Call me evil, I don't care. We did a lot of begging before we were even allowed to go.

I still can't believe I was there. The people were so high and I was influenced, obviously.

The host.

Huang Jing Lun as Chen Yu Yi in the drama. I love his singing. He sang Xian Yu.

He's cuter than he is in the drama!

Omg one row of hot people! I like Jiro and the one beside him the most. He's Gao Yi Xiang by the way.

Sorry for some blurry pictures but I wanna post every picture I took that day.

Stupid cameraman blocked us several times. We cursed him like mad.

Their backs also so shuai!

Jiro is more good looking in person, trust me.

Gao Yi Xiang was promoting his book.

There were a few fans down the stage who couldn't walk or even stand so the guys went down to take pictures and shake hands with them. So sweet right!

They were so near us by then! I think I didn't zoom!

Credits to me for the awesome pictures! I took almost all pictures! Salute me.

By the way, I got 8 A's.

The Highlight Of The Holidays.

2009-12-17T00:25:00.008+08:00

The Rotary International District 3300 41st District Interact Conference was held and it was totally a blast. In fact, it was too awesome compared to last year's. I'm not gonna post everything up here, I think I need to keep something to ourselves or even myself.

Although we were late for the ice breaking session, we met new friends, experienced talking to people from all over the country and even other countries, listened to countless inspirational talks, played games, wore perfect prefect uniforms for the roll call, attended the formal night, watched Talentine which got everyone high that night, gossiped about people in the bathroom without knowing our conversation was all heard, took lots of pictures together and last but not least, looked out for hot people. We're fortunate that there were tons.

There are quite a lot of pictures below, let's see to know more.

At home, before the fun.

In the commuter, taken by Chiying.

The seats were empty because everyone's outside, ending the ice breaking session which we missed.

The stage.

Pretty shoes?

Painted nails.

We started camwhoring when people had not arrived.

Taken by Natelyn.

Name tags which were used throughout the conference.

With badges this time.

The mess was about to take place on the very first day.

My stuff.

Prefects uniform. Thanks Joevy for lending hers to me.

Busy room mates.

Chiying wearing Miching's dress with her starwalk shirt. Ridiculous.

Miching.

Schedule book.

Camwhoring session had started!

One of them took this. Me on the left, Chiying on the right.

I love this one. We were the most striking group of all.

Formal night.

Awww.

Look at my sweat! That was when we just settled down.

Awesome beatbox performance.

Larissa and I. This girl's the kind one whom I borrowed shoes from. That's because I forgot to bring shoes to go with my uniform. Silly me.

Kevin Beh and us.

Joel!

Newton's our block.

Mabelyn's probably laughing at Chun Hong who took the picture. Now scroll down.

The president and I.

Ah! This one! They're so cute together right.

Chiying's. Mine. Miching's.

Compare this with the mess on the first day. We were amazed by ourselves.

Natelyn and I.

Thibaut Dalle from France, Luca Valentini from Germany and Toto from Taiwan!

One of my group members, Kar Mun.

I was either looking at Luca/Natelyn. Luca's so good looking right!

Thibaut's cute too.

Toto is uber adorable! His mandarin sounds so perfect.

With Michelle and gang.

Don't forget to look at the two guys behind.

Look! I was beside Luca!

Now I'm beside Thibaut!

Another shot!

Shuk Ting and Wei Wen. They're form six this year.

One of the performances of Talentine.

Mabelyn.

The two awesome speakers who shared their experience of travelling around the world.

The emcee, Shona Thomas.

Acting sad.

It's my turn.

Annabelle Lee, president of her Interact Club. Cool person. We kept bugging her to take a picture with us but she's busy every second.

Chairs were removed, people were about to leave.

Ian and us.

Rotarian Adrian Minjoot and us.

I have Toto's name card now!

The certificate.

I'm happy that I met those people and I'm meeting more on facebook now. The friend requests, tags and chats I received from interactors who attended the conference were amazing. We're trying to keep in touch with each other. I really miss the moments.

Miss Me Okay?

2009-12-09T17:03:00.001+08:00

This morning in Kopitiam.

I'll be leaving for Nilai, Negeri Sembilan tomorrow for this year's Interact Conference, maybe going to KL with family after that.

Wish me luck and remember to miss me!

I'm gonna continue with the packing right now.

XOXO.

Something In Common.

2009-12-06T13:42:00.001+08:00

I woke up at 11 something, I had my awesome brunch which was a full bowl of homemade laksa and I came to the computer in the living room. That's when I saw a few pages of The Star, obviously picked out by my dad. Therefore, I decided to share it here.

Sunday November 1, 2009

Riding the blogging wave

Almost everyone has a blog these days - whether it’s about food, trips, events or an individual’s daily lives. The same can be said for the many BRATs out there who have so many different stories to tell.

In today’s edition of Ole BRATs, we highlight just some of the many different blog posts written by the BRATs. From mid-November onwards, we will be featuring a variety of blogs by the BRATs each day on rage.com.my, the online portal for The Star’s youth platform.

In this web 2.0 world that we live in, we want you and your peers to be able to share content and information in the easiest way possible.

So, BRATs and non-BRATs (if you are below 25), drop us a line at brats@thestar.com.my and share your blogs with us.

You might just see it online pretty soon!

BRATs Blogroll

Aimee Lee http://chelseaorange.xanga.com

Andrian Tam http://andrian-tam.blogspot.com

April Yim http://www.vervesincomposition.com

Chew Yu Liang http://liangzz.blogspot.com

Crystal Cha http://burnoutbrightly.blogspot.com

Foo Huiyan http://lollipopsforyouandme.blogspot.com

Gan Hui Wan http://gan-dreamscape.blogspot.com

Gan Hui Ee http://sketchpad-dreams.blogspot.com

Jason Lioh http://www.jasonmumbles.com

Karyn Lee http://karyn-lee.blogspot.com

Kavidha Nadarajan http://dontrunwithscalpels.wordpress.com

Lily Ong http://adventureprincess.wordpress.com

Niki Cheong http://www.nikicheong.com/blog

Sandra Tan http://www.doii.net

Serena Chew http://serenachew.blogspot.com

Victoria Ngow http://sparksofrevolution.blogspot.com

Wong Lee Sa http://therascal23.blogspot.com

I Deserve To Be Whacked.

2009-12-04T20:03:00.006+08:00

I forgot Aaron's birthday which was on the 20th of November. How could I forget? I'm very guilty now, that's why this post is all about him, my one and only husband! Actually I saw this news on 100% Entertainment about him celebrating his birthday with his fans. Therefore, I went on Youtube and look for videos about that but I couldn't find any. I guess they're not up yet. So here I am, posting new and interesting ones up here instead. Enjoy.

Heng Xing by Fahrenheit. Aaron's sister is in it. Look out for a young girl(not the little girl okay), it's her.

This is the newest commercial I think. Look at Aaron! So cute lor.

Aaron cried. Awwwww.

Apparently Fahrenheit's showing off their multilingual skills. Aaron can speak English okay.

Please, don't steal my husband from me.

Gone With The Wind, Not Long After.

2009-12-04T11:49:00.000+08:00

'Close your eyes and feel, you'll know I'm the one.'

'Sorry, I can't.'

'Without her, I feel like I'm not living.'

'Gay!

The Hot Chick is somehow similar to Freaky Friday. Imagine an ugly old man trying very hard to convince the entire world that he's the forever gorgeous Jessica. Everything in her life was taken for granted initially, however after the frightening character changing, she learnt to appreciate. Therefore, it wasn't totally disastrous after all. It's out since ages ago, but definitely worth watching. So do so.

(Let's put the extreme vainness aside first alright?)

Appreciate what I recommend.

Genie Zhuo Wen Xuan's Yi Miao Ye Hao.

Super Junior M's Blue Tomorrow.

Contented.

2009-12-03T20:10:00.003+08:00

I saw a little girl.

She was so happy over nothing.

There was a glow in her eyes.

She clapped.

She cheered.

Finally.

She shut her eyes.

And.

She thanked god for what she has.

Change No More, Please.

2009-12-03T16:32:00.001+08:00

I need sad songs like these now.

Pan Yu Wen's Bang Ni Ji De.

Rynn Lin Yu Zhong's Huo Dao Yi Bai Sui.

Beauty And The Beast.

2009-12-03T16:03:00.004+08:00

I learnt to blog but not to publish it, I save some as drafts instead. Now blame the sister.

I suddenly thought of this so I ridiculously think I can make you agree with me totally.

It's all about beauty against the beast. Mind you, beast doesn't really mean a beast but just a symbol of people who claim they're not beautiful.

For me, being good looking isn't something to be proud of but who will not when you're a natural beauty? First, you have tons of confidence with your outer beauty compared to people who are not as good looking but trying very hard to be. For example, people who love to take pictures. The sad thing is, they have to photoshop/edit them until the people in the pictures look nothing like them. Or, they have to apply layers of makeup to hide their originalities.

I forgot to mention just now that I'm not gonna talk about stupid outer/inner beauty which has been repeated over and over again. I hate those craps myself.

Second, good looking people get harassed by people of the opposite sex. But trust me, it's annoying and you can't do anything about it unless you're such a straightforward person who doesn't care about others' feelings, you can shoo them right away. So beasts got their advantages in this matter.

Do you think beasts should get friends who are beasts as well? I don't know about this one. It doesn't really matter a lot does it. Maybe beasts will get offended when people are talking about vain stuff I guess because those don't apply on them, not one bit.

Now, I believe civilised people don't and won't give so much of a damn about their looks. I believe you're one of them and I think I am too. Therefore, if you're a beauty, thank god. If you're not, learn from me and bear with it because life doesn't last forever so there's nothing to fuss about. Find something beneficial to do to distract yourself. Okay I think no one will agree with me. I'm not giving really useful suggestions here. Oops.

Last thing. Who is not to judge a book by its cover when what you first see in a person is his/her appearance?

A Big Fuss.

2009-12-03T01:10:00.002+08:00

We went to Jusco today. We bought nothing but some nail polish, books and junk stuff like ManU shirt, a necklace, a pair of sunglasses and a couple of rings.

I just painted my fingernails a few days ago but I feel they're growing already. Shit! They're not supposed to grow. At least not now. I don't like it when there are some unpainted parts which have just grown. I won't let them be. If they grow, I'll probably just rub the paint off using the remover. But it's such a waste lor. I'll feel so sayang.

And. I've been watching very, very old Hong Kong drama series on TVB channel lately. I love them. They're already repeated for quite a few times already. I think the last time I watched Man's Best Friend and Wars of In Laws was when I was in standard 2-3. Amazing huh. Thinking of that, I actually miss the old house in Westpool Park.

I just asked sister to ask Mabelyn whether painted nails are allowed for the Interact conference in Nilai. She said most probably yes. Yep, I'm happy to hear that. Anyway. The conference is exactly a week from now.

XiaXue's Guide To Life!

2009-12-02T13:50:00.001+08:00

Aunt Agony.

The April Fool's Prank.

Okay she's a professional blogger as some of you might know. I find her Guide To Life very interesting. Check out for more in her blogspot/youtube.

I'm A Gossip Girl.

2009-12-02T00:00:00.004+08:00

At least I had something to do today.

First it was the forever so interesting drama, Fated To Love You. Today's episode was so kan cheong lor. I started to get annoyed by the girl though. She kept saying how boring and ugly she was, but she couldn't stop bugging the guy she loved to be with her. I'm annoyed by the guy's ex girlfriend too. She always took things for granted. Served her right. I'm annoyed by the grandmother and the guy for their uber annoying voices too. You may think I'm annoyed by everything in the drama so I may hate the drama too. But but, you're so wrong. I love it. I don't understand myself too.

Then it's Mano's tuition time. Faith picked me up very early and we reached there half an hour earlier. It's freezing cold in there. I think I'll go with winter clothing next time. Hahahahahahahahaha. I'm such a genius to come up with such a brilliant idea. We got to touch some cute eggs. So bouncy! I thought they were lychees at first though. Thanks for the chocolate anyway.

I came back home and made blueberry muffins and straightaway watched Gossip Girl! I love the ending a lot. Apparently Nate is with Blair now. Sad for Vanessa and Chuck. Nate's so good looking so now he's mine too. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Oops. Parents are back!

Loving You Is More Than Just A Dream Come True.

2009-11-30T17:13:00.001+08:00

I just checked the calendar in my handphone. Today's the 10th day of holidays already!

I've done nothing much. I've not been to any places for holidays yet.

I've not watched a million of movies that I thought I will be doing all the time.

I've not been shopping which I couldn't do much last time.

I'm not even allowed to spend a day with my friends today.

I'm trying hard not to rot right now.

After A Christmas Carol and New Moon, I've not watched any other movies. So maybe gonna go out with friends to watch Ninja Assassin and Princess and The Frog. I can't wait!

Loving you.

It's Sad To Know That I Have To Force Myself To Cheer Up.

2009-11-29T20:50:00.006+08:00

I LOVE THIS SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS LOCKING BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.

ENJOY JI MO XIAN SHENG BY GARY.